THE NEW NEWSIES OF NEWS

these black stars start to swirl while i sit under them
not alone, but still not with anyone near
the wind chills my spine, as it tries to slide up my back
and this starry night sits still as death
my eyes begin to dry, then water cold from the sliding oxygen
goose bumps raise on my arms, and i sit
arms crossed over my knees to bury my face it
protect it for what comes next
and the stars all fall down, they all fall down
the beautiful black night sky is now empty
like the hollowed out chest of a dead animal
and i sit in it, still trying to keep warm, trying to live

yeah, well enough of that bullshit, just thought i drop something else besides prose today kiddies. nothing real new happening in these neck of the woods - boring life, i work and pretty much do nothing, except talk to jesi. it's the mold these days, trying to get my ass in gear to go to college. yeah, that's what i said don't have a heart attack. it sucks - too much shit to pay just so they can tell me no. it's pretty stupid in all reality, but i've been over that just about a million times. so yeah, i'm writing again, and drawing/sketching which is good cuz i don't do anything. i've picked up my zombie script again, and started writing a little bit more on my Cista Aeternus Anathema novela - and the poetry just pours out, so that's not bad i guess. i'm still going through and updating my site - still got a few captions to add/change and then viola - i'll be done. anyway i'll leave you folks alone, cuz i'm pretty sure no one cares. ta ta

ALSO THE STRESS SEASON

man today i woke up and just had to find out a bunch of stuff about applying for college. and it sucks, cuz you gotta pay for every little thing, like the FSAFA, you fill it out because you're poor and need money for school, but hey - that costs money to fill out too. which is really gay. and then all the college applications cost at least $15 bucks, then you gotta go to your previous school and get a transcript which also costs money, not to mention the tuition which you'll be paying back your whole life working at a job that you didn't get because you had a master's degree in english. ya know, it's just all stupid in so many ways. if i wanted to spend a lot of money for something i KNOW i'd use, i'd get a PA system for VX while we might not "go anywhere" it'd still be hella useful for us. and granted i did semi-quit the band. i'm still in it now, and since i took the old pa system we had back, we haven't been able to really practice like we used to, especially since i don't have a good amp, that would be loud enough to contend with their's. everything's just getting on my nerves right now cuz i'm always broke, not neccessarily cuz i can't manage money it's just because i have to spend it on stupid shit that's too expensive like gas.

THE SICK SEASON

it seems like everything's takin' it's shot at me. i seem to just get over a cold, then my tonsils get shitty. now my ear's stopped up, and my stomach's feeling all quiggly. i don't know what's going on. maybe i'm diseased! hell i don't know, maybe i'm just swallowing too much puss from my tonsils, it's just gross.



in other languages, i've wasted a lot of time today just taping concerts and stuff i had on my camcorder. and i don't know why i taped EVERYTHING, i could understand the drum ensemble and maybe one or two other things, but i taped pretty much everything, which is really gay.

I'M TIRED OF YOU LOLLYGAGGERS!

just basically what the subject says you bastardo. changing the plans to ruin others (not you peach) just a majority making it shitty for the minority. but then again sometimes it's a member of the minority that makes it shitty for the majority. and so on. bastard - everyone should be their own group, so they don't get a bad rep from everyone else. i had my plans, damn good plans too. then all you fucking monkey christians gotta change it around so you can go to a concert that isn't even happening anymore! bastardos! to quote the great poet frog (Kermit) "It ain't easy being green."

THOSE FUCKING SPECTATORS

you know it's true that people don't change, but it's only true because the people that wanna change are often set into this little character sceme, they're make to fit into a profile, once they're in, if they want to expand...it's impossible. not because they themselves aren't committed exactly, it's because there's always some pig fucker pointing their greasy finger in your eye, telling you exactly what you have to be. whether you're the sponge...the leader...the runt. you'll be whatever you're told...that's why people are asshole, cuz they're made into assholes (granted they do have a say) but it's just easier to go with the flow.

now someone might actually be trying to change, but with all the threats and name callings, it might scare the person off track. could he really be to blame then, or could all the people eating the cheesy puffs giving their free advice be at blame here...?

i have to change, it's up to me, i know that now - i am asking for help, but not from the world, just from my peach - the only strength i need to go on through with it, is in her eyes, in her mind, in her. period. and i'm tired of all the nay sayers, and the bastards that think they know exactly what they're talking about - they fucking don't - so don't even try to put your two cents in.

i know i've made my share of big fucking mistakes...that's life - that's my life, and i'm the one who has to deal with it. i can't regret everything, but there are things i can try to make up for, and i will try. i'm not completely heartless as i've fooled most of you into believing. and i don't care what you all think now, i've spent my whole life fitting into your character profiles, your plots - now i'm growing up, now i'm becoming more me than the ideas of fuckers around me. so just so you know, before you point your finger you should know that i'm the fucking man, and if i'm the man and he's the man and you're the man as well then you can point that fucking finger up your ass.

THESE EXILED YEARS

you spent your life, waiting and wondering. you spent every second overlooking the fine details. i've always been one to look too hard, for love, for life - any and everywhere. and i just don't know how to begin to apologize for these things i've always over looked. it sucks to be me, it usually always has, there would be something to look forward to every now and again, but nothing big to say - wow what a great life. but i know now i don't want the GREAT life, i just want a life. i'm just tired of trying to be something like a legend, i just want to be - something with her. something i never gave myself the chance to be, cuz i was always on the look for the big perfect, but there's nothing that is perfection, only opinion's for that.

DROWNING IN SNOT

yes, what's better than cooking pancakes for breakfast, that's right - drinking the snot down all day long. it's really starting to just make me sick, and a half. i can feel myself die a little on the inside each time i swallow. it's really quite a battle getting up and going to sleep, especially when you can't sleep cuz you're drowning. yeah, so that's freaggin' awesome...oh yeah - visit www.angryblue.com for some awesome art and shit.

NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT'S CONFUSED AND COLD

sometimes i just really don't know what the hell is going on, and i really just wanna throw up, then at other times i'm so in bliss i guess you could say - and all that jazz. but i am really confused wondering if i'll ever be able to be the person i have to be, or if i'll just fail and get swept aside or become hurt, and sweep myself aside to the ditches of life, lifeless and abandoned. but oh, woe is me - that's bullshit cuz you get what you take and take what you give...so it's only fitting but fucking scary nonetheless. well, i believe now i will go poops a lot, and sick up in the crapper of my mind.