of course i smile, i fucking have to you bleach

OMG... i got a fucking LAND OF THE DEAD POSTER! thanks to mel! yay! and jason's sketches are just what i had in mind. other than that i work at movie warehouse, so come rent some movies you bitches...cuz i'm bored most of the fucking time i'm there. and it'll feed the charity of my tattoos...muhahaha. and beer. yep, but i'm bored - looking forward to being on the road and going back to b-town to see the parents, and get my glasses (and contacts). my stomach hurts, maybe i should sleep and eat...at the same time. i'm not oh-fucking-kay.

kill those germs, spotless and clean

this is a rant

right now, i feel so uncontent. and i don't know why, maybe i'm just getting bored with the way things are, or maybe i'm just growing up and not really wanting to. you know how those things are. and plus my dreams just keeping reoccuring with the same theme. i don't know why, maybe what i really want and what i really need were things always in front of me but i gave them up, who the fuck knows...not me that's for damn sure. i find myself slipping into that little cubby hole again, waiting for some light to shine through, so far there's not a single ray of light. and i just want to do nothing. i mean, i want to write out that story for jason, which by the way with both came up with and is fucking awesome. and i want to just sit around and relax and be comfortable, watch movies and chill. maybe i'm just too fickle, certainly a bullet to the brain would stop that, but that's beside the point. it seems just when you think you have yourself figured out, something rears it's ugly head up and throws everything off so fucking much. i miss my friends, and they're all off in their different towns, some of which i have no idea where to get to. and also, there's not a fucking thing to do here in richmond, sometimes i think i'd be happy in bardstown, even though there's nothing there for me. man, i really hope some of the guys really want to get an apartment next summer, cuz that'd be awesome, especially since we wouldn't hafta worry about dorm staff and all that stupid shit. and we could be relatively loud. i dunno, i just don't wanna live at home w/ my parents, i'm getting too old for that. and i don't want my friends to leave. but i guess eventually that's what happens with people, they move out of your life...and that's just a process of growing up. it just sucks cuz i've had so much fun since i've been in college, and to think that one day all that's gonna end, and me and my friends will all have to go our separate ways. oi that's a headache and heartache and a half. stupid brain, why do you have to think and torture me so. at least i do have a job and that'll get my out of the small ass apartment for chunks of time on end. i dunno, sometimes i think me and her are too much alike, sometimes i think it's just right. maybe we've just been taking things way too fucking fast. but hey, if you don't take it fast then you'll waste time on someone who's not it if you know what i'm saying. not to say i wasted three years...cuz that's not it...she was quite possibly it, but it's too late now, plus i have to grow up on my own before i clearly understand anything, if i grow up in love with someone, then i won't understand anything at all. sometimes i think wouldn't it be wonderful if i had no sex drive, then i wouldn't worry about love or sex or anything, and my computer would have more room for other things besides porn. i dunno, i'm just tired, i'm gonna go to sleep, wake me up in august when my friends get back.

aw shit now!

so i finally am getting a good grip on the new story in my head - also kudos to jayo w/ his creativity and mine, it's one fucked up ride...plus i really wanna see his concept sketches my dreams betray me i have a new love for noir narration, and that's exactly what i'm looking for in this new storyline...i feel something w/ this...it's gonna be bigger than i hope, ha ha - the breakthrough

all these people...staring...what do they want from me

i am inspired to write once more...yay - and maybe this time i won't fall short...and maybe this summer i can focus more on some of my stories

the calamity bunny marches on it my brain again

i think too much, especially while i'm bored, and i don't know what to do. i always get to this point eventually and there's no point to being this way, i should know by now the whole truth and nothing but the truth...my mind pollutes me and i'm all up inside myself wondering what i'm being this way. i dunno. and you can't control your dreams, they just keep getting weirder and weirder...and continue to make no sense, i mean i'm used to weird dreams but jesus h. christ - i'm waking up from these. maybe i'm just getting a little down cuz it's summer, and summer means that all the friends i've made here are all going away...heh, i never knew i liked 'em all so much.

OMG tiring weekend full of much amaze

first off - concerts friday John Prine w/ special guest Leroy Redbone Leroy Redbone: caught about 20 minutes of the guy, bluesy, and freaggin' awesome John Prine: fucking awesome with all his good ancedotes and anti-war/anti bush ness, i love folk music/singers saturday Melt Banana w/ Shipping News, Breather Resist & Hot Cross: hot cross was first...they were okay w/ they're philly hardcore sound...breather resist was pretty fucking good, and they yelled at the ninja thrashers telling them that they were fucking stupid, which was funny/awesome as hell, then shipping news was pretty amazing b/c they were all really good musicians and had a few instrumental songs, which is always good in my book...and m.b. fucking amazing, just a good show that they put on, and made my ears bleed, not literally, but you know...and i took some pics of them performing and through it all i have my lucky golden buhdda (sp?) good deal ;)