what the fever? haven't said that in a while. these catch phrases we
made, never really caught on but in the back of our heads. now i'm just
sitting, just laying, just doing what i can to get by, but what's left?
ambition or clever wit? nothing but doing whatever the fuck i wanna do.
i'm wearing out, going thin, starting to doubt a lot of things.
almost everything. and i don't understand it. is that one thing really
effecting me this much? or is it that one thing is highlighting all the
other things that i've just ignored b/c i don't care much about stuff
anymore.
i feel like i'm going crazy with impatience, nothing ever gets done
or down to business quick enough. it's all waiting, shoots and ladders.
i'm guessing that's jus' the look of things when you've just gotten
through with staring at a reflection of mortality.
gah! i wish i was james dean.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
fuck, i've come to notice i use that word a lot
i feel like an idiot again, but i get a small break from richmond and whatever life it is i have here.
not looking forward to the burning pyres, i mean it's part of life, but one i would do well do forget the depths of. much crying, much sniffles, much consolment. and people wonder why i'd rather be alone.
lighter notes, the truck will all this sitting in the back didn't run me over, jus' hit me and left me a little bruised, nothing i can't heal from. plus, there's better distractions in life than sulk and sadness. don't get me wrong, i was there out of respect, and i will probably be there again. but as for now, my head's up, and there might be a twinkle in my eye, but there's really only a couple of reasons for that, and if you know me, you know them. if not - don't bother, but i trust enough to say it's something very good that has overcome discouragement.
not looking forward to the burning pyres, i mean it's part of life, but one i would do well do forget the depths of. much crying, much sniffles, much consolment. and people wonder why i'd rather be alone.
lighter notes, the truck will all this sitting in the back didn't run me over, jus' hit me and left me a little bruised, nothing i can't heal from. plus, there's better distractions in life than sulk and sadness. don't get me wrong, i was there out of respect, and i will probably be there again. but as for now, my head's up, and there might be a twinkle in my eye, but there's really only a couple of reasons for that, and if you know me, you know them. if not - don't bother, but i trust enough to say it's something very good that has overcome discouragement.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
anti-cunt man
i fucking hate the internet.
i write a lot again.
i use sentence fragments to describe life.
eat it. wanna fight?
i write a lot again.
i use sentence fragments to describe life.
eat it. wanna fight?
zombie thing vs. protoman nt warrior
yeah, i mean, they're fighting on my pc desk right now, but they've
been in the same stalemate for days, i mean, i dunno. they jus' don't
move on their own, it's kinda weird, like they're not alive or
something.
me:so what's new interweb?
interweb: nothing, well i mean a bunch of dipshits updating stuff and making new websites, but it all sucks. i mean except of wikipedia.
me: that's true interweb. thank you for you enclypedic database of a ton of worthless shit that mos def makes my life more eventful and a million times better than swiss cheese on a roast beef sammich.
interweb: you're just talking about porn aren't you?
me: ....yesh.....
today i have very little sleep with a forecast of awesome.
already hung the fuck out with some awesome kids, and maybe the day with continue in that manner, hopefully so.
oh, and ashes, no, i don't need to make smores/bears/poopie/doo-doo or use the little boy's room, thank you
me:so what's new interweb?
interweb: nothing, well i mean a bunch of dipshits updating stuff and making new websites, but it all sucks. i mean except of wikipedia.
me: that's true interweb. thank you for you enclypedic database of a ton of worthless shit that mos def makes my life more eventful and a million times better than swiss cheese on a roast beef sammich.
interweb: you're just talking about porn aren't you?
me: ....yesh.....
today i have very little sleep with a forecast of awesome.
already hung the fuck out with some awesome kids, and maybe the day with continue in that manner, hopefully so.
oh, and ashes, no, i don't need to make smores/bears/poopie/doo-doo or use the little boy's room, thank you
Monday, September 25, 2006
duh duh duh (doo!) duh duh duh (doo!) doo-doo do doo-doo-do
Proto: be aware all you live little muscrats that your time
here is wasted. you are no more than apathetic automatons awaiting your
orders! i tried to free you, but you will not be free!
yeah, that's right, i've lost my freaggin' mind. but be forwarned, hell is coming to a halloween party near you, if you're like in richmond or lexington or something.
the epic battle that had been awaiting to erupt for centuries, or the sentry. (insert twilight zone music here)
anyway, who gets to be a backup paul bearrer (sp?) ME. it's still not sinking it, but when does it ever when you hold life at arms length.
yeah, that's right, i've lost my freaggin' mind. but be forwarned, hell is coming to a halloween party near you, if you're like in richmond or lexington or something.
the epic battle that had been awaiting to erupt for centuries, or the sentry. (insert twilight zone music here)
anyway, who gets to be a backup paul bearrer (sp?) ME. it's still not sinking it, but when does it ever when you hold life at arms length.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
fucking heart attacks...
...woke up to bad news, not the worst, but still bad enough. it sucks and that makes #2.
sure we weren't always inspired by your stories, and sometimes i'd roll my eyes b/c i knew there was some sort of ignorance in your voice, but not by your fault.
still i loved you like i love all my family, no matter how little i saw you, but i remember as a little kid, x-mas at grandma's was pretty fucking awesome b/c, then, you're far fetched stories and simple random facts were impressive to my little uneducated mind. not to mention, thanks for the comics, ha ha. and although you scared me a couple of times, it wasn't torture to hang out with you, ever really.
now, i'll miss the stories of your pseudo pet monkies while you were in the marines. how you explain what the grip in handshakes means. talking about you 'investments' in legos. how you thought you crashed the internet, again. your new photoshop adventure, so...yeah. it's getting hard to type this, so i'll just leave it at that.
see you around, space cowboy.
sure we weren't always inspired by your stories, and sometimes i'd roll my eyes b/c i knew there was some sort of ignorance in your voice, but not by your fault.
still i loved you like i love all my family, no matter how little i saw you, but i remember as a little kid, x-mas at grandma's was pretty fucking awesome b/c, then, you're far fetched stories and simple random facts were impressive to my little uneducated mind. not to mention, thanks for the comics, ha ha. and although you scared me a couple of times, it wasn't torture to hang out with you, ever really.
now, i'll miss the stories of your pseudo pet monkies while you were in the marines. how you explain what the grip in handshakes means. talking about you 'investments' in legos. how you thought you crashed the internet, again. your new photoshop adventure, so...yeah. it's getting hard to type this, so i'll just leave it at that.
see you around, space cowboy.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
i woke up thristy
and it's always that that brings me here. headaches, moreso hardcore
than i'm used to, but still not sinking to pills. i don't know what's
going on. i feel a sick in my head and stomach and i know the feeling,
it's familiar, but i've done nothing wrong, nothing really. but it's
still there, like i'm the bastard, i'm the bad guy. maybe i am. maybe
i'm just hiding something so deep, i'm confusing myself into thinking
i'm innocent b/c of standards and certain rules that could and should be
ignored, turning everything to my side. but what side am i on? are
there even sides to be taken? seems like there always is even when
there's no war or debate up for decision. who knows. maybe i'm just
getting hit with a one-two from anxiety, or maybe i'm just a letting
full of regret, which thus far, i've convinced myself that i've not
point in dwelling on this i wish i've done differently. but then again, i
do lie to myself a lot, hoping i believe every word of it. i guess
it'll take more than a blog to get the heavy weight off my chest. maybe
slaying something pretty.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
a knife in full swing...
i seem to have the gift opposite that of midus. everything i touch, turns to shit.
Friday, September 15, 2006
concussion, please come my way
we will be fighting, til we give all our wits away.
i'm tired, of it. the whole god damn thing smells of some sort of lush persona. so what's really going on between those ears? i doubt anyone really knows.
that's just that simple, cup cakes and hand grenades, turn pikes and twisting country roads. that's all it is and ever was. but not a bad deal to cut with satan, if you say so.
i'm tired, of it. the whole god damn thing smells of some sort of lush persona. so what's really going on between those ears? i doubt anyone really knows.
that's just that simple, cup cakes and hand grenades, turn pikes and twisting country roads. that's all it is and ever was. but not a bad deal to cut with satan, if you say so.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
fire fire, water burn
i won't giving you the satisfaction of seeing my skinned alive on all
fours groveling for sympathy, an end to the pain. i'd rather like to
find an end to disappointment, but maybe i should take my heart off my
sleeve and put it some place colder, some place far away. it's always
been ending with a headache and heavy eyes, they shouldn't be heavy, but
light with a smile and maybe in a dark room, illuminate by something
else that isn't so great, but greater still in the company of those we
all prefer.
just stab me again, my sweet little murderer.
just stab me again, my sweet little murderer.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
haetis corpus
yeah, so i was gone for like two days, so what? you wanna sue me?
i had a good time, and that's all that matters, in the mountains. no cell phone reception, so just so you know, i wasn't ignoring anybody. just being in the middle of nowhere (kind've) has prices and privileges, like meeting and hanging out with really fucking cool people. and being as lazy as i fucking can, b/c there's no real point in doing anything else. just chillaxing. gotta set the counter back again, not complaining at all, just after the time before i felt a little sick inside, not like now, but that's why i made that b.s. vow. and it was b.s. you all know it, i was just trying to be noble...if that's the right word. maybe just stop being stupid. either way.
so after another two and half our drive, i'm back home to the town and civilization, eating pasta with satan. g'day.
i had a good time, and that's all that matters, in the mountains. no cell phone reception, so just so you know, i wasn't ignoring anybody. just being in the middle of nowhere (kind've) has prices and privileges, like meeting and hanging out with really fucking cool people. and being as lazy as i fucking can, b/c there's no real point in doing anything else. just chillaxing. gotta set the counter back again, not complaining at all, just after the time before i felt a little sick inside, not like now, but that's why i made that b.s. vow. and it was b.s. you all know it, i was just trying to be noble...if that's the right word. maybe just stop being stupid. either way.
so after another two and half our drive, i'm back home to the town and civilization, eating pasta with satan. g'day.
Saturday, September 9, 2006
Thursday, September 7, 2006
i stole this from brandi
1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays? i ate with jesus once, he went and died for my sins and stiffed my ass with the check
2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it? Salazaar Cezerka
3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently? texas
4. You wake up as the opposite gender...what's the one thing you wanna try? jumping...ha ha ha ha
5. Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie? oh, i definitely rather do brad pitt
6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child? a real gun or a monkey, not toys but still
7. Top three celebrities you wanna do. clive owen, christian bale, bruce campbell...what, just b/c i don't wanna do chic celebrities doesn't make me gay
8. What's your favorite hobby? comic books
9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you? not really a movie, but i did see zach hopkins driving today
10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud? well, i did site the 18th issue of Black Panther to someone talking about Storm's pretty wedding dress
11. You're sentenced to death and it's the morning of your
execution, what do you eat? human flesh
12. What's something that most people do that you've never done? fly on a plane
13. Before you die you want to go to...? europe
14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do? build a stormtrooper outfit
15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet? a cougar or panther
16. Something you'll never try? weird fruits or anal sex
17. If you were an animal what would you be? a hardass pteradyctal
18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be? i don't know who i knew then...honestly
19. What's something most people don't know about you? hmm...that's a good one, hold on...i'm not gay - no, oh! i really really like romantic comedies...?
20. First celebrity crush? i think julia roberts, and my how that one faded fast
21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities???? love, ha ha, no - a big fucking sword
23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)? def pancakes...mmmmmmm
24. Favorite parody movie? basketball?
25. Worst way to die? anything that takes longer than a few minutes
26. Grossest injury you've ever seen? std's, those count as injuries right? like sex injuries.
27. The worst injury you've ever had? fracture fingertip
28. Favorite thing about thanksgiving? good food
29. Sport you hate the most? prolly polo or golf
30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit? new york
31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about? literature
32. Favorite Actor/Actress? clive owen or christian bale, or ryan reynolds...hey, i'd do him too (for the up top list)
33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest? uhm, 'patty cakes'? i dunno
34. What makes an awesome party? awesome people
35. What's your material obsession? ha ha, do you really have to ask?
36. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you? you suck
37. Favorite kind of dog? the mangy mutt type
38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)? funnel cake
39. Morning or night person? night owl
40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit? taking my pants off
42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted? anything
43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you? prolly sitting in front of my computer
44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with? anyone who'll have me
45.Worst job you've ever had? factory job
46. What's something your friends make fun of you for? being organized
47. Favorite cereal? cinnamon toast crunch
48. Book you could read repeatedly? i dunno, most comic books
49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? told someone that i really hoped they would die a horrible death, and meant it
50. What was your best Halloween costume ever? maybe the luchador...or...protoman, but that has yet to be unveiled.
2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it? Salazaar Cezerka
3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently? texas
4. You wake up as the opposite gender...what's the one thing you wanna try? jumping...ha ha ha ha
5. Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie? oh, i definitely rather do brad pitt
6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child? a real gun or a monkey, not toys but still
7. Top three celebrities you wanna do. clive owen, christian bale, bruce campbell...what, just b/c i don't wanna do chic celebrities doesn't make me gay
8. What's your favorite hobby? comic books
9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you? not really a movie, but i did see zach hopkins driving today
10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud? well, i did site the 18th issue of Black Panther to someone talking about Storm's pretty wedding dress
11. You're sentenced to death and it's the morning of your
execution, what do you eat? human flesh
12. What's something that most people do that you've never done? fly on a plane
13. Before you die you want to go to...? europe
14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do? build a stormtrooper outfit
15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet? a cougar or panther
16. Something you'll never try? weird fruits or anal sex
17. If you were an animal what would you be? a hardass pteradyctal
18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be? i don't know who i knew then...honestly
19. What's something most people don't know about you? hmm...that's a good one, hold on...i'm not gay - no, oh! i really really like romantic comedies...?
20. First celebrity crush? i think julia roberts, and my how that one faded fast
21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities???? love, ha ha, no - a big fucking sword
23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)? def pancakes...mmmmmmm
24. Favorite parody movie? basketball?
25. Worst way to die? anything that takes longer than a few minutes
26. Grossest injury you've ever seen? std's, those count as injuries right? like sex injuries.
27. The worst injury you've ever had? fracture fingertip
28. Favorite thing about thanksgiving? good food
29. Sport you hate the most? prolly polo or golf
30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit? new york
31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about? literature
32. Favorite Actor/Actress? clive owen or christian bale, or ryan reynolds...hey, i'd do him too (for the up top list)
33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest? uhm, 'patty cakes'? i dunno
34. What makes an awesome party? awesome people
35. What's your material obsession? ha ha, do you really have to ask?
36. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you? you suck
37. Favorite kind of dog? the mangy mutt type
38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)? funnel cake
39. Morning or night person? night owl
40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit? taking my pants off
42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted? anything
43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you? prolly sitting in front of my computer
44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with? anyone who'll have me
45.Worst job you've ever had? factory job
46. What's something your friends make fun of you for? being organized
47. Favorite cereal? cinnamon toast crunch
48. Book you could read repeatedly? i dunno, most comic books
49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? told someone that i really hoped they would die a horrible death, and meant it
50. What was your best Halloween costume ever? maybe the luchador...or...protoman, but that has yet to be unveiled.
i get discouraged too easily...
...and guess what, i'm discouraged.
too many times, by now i should be saying, 'fuck this.'
i drive too much.
too many times, by now i should be saying, 'fuck this.'
i drive too much.
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
i sell stupid things to stupid people
so much for covering ourselves in black and painting something red with
envy. so much for undercover mercenaries set out to destroy not
something beautiful, but something mundaine. so much for looking back to
the black in the middle of the day. and so much for so little, so much
for a 'how are you?' so much to give and so vacant a part dwelling now
empty and withering. so much for forgetting, so much for remembering and
so much for nothing.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Monday, September 4, 2006
i made a deal with the devil and now it's time to pay my due
i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot.
and
whores...!
also
not whore: they burn their hair to make it look pretty. and are nice and warm to cuddle with. also nice company when it's one on one time to sleep.
on another note: i'm tired of what this town has to offer. liars. flirty/floozy/immature. i can't deal with it. i'm filled with an utter, astonishing amount of hopelessness due to the fact that...bah and stuff of the like. maybe it's just the demographic, or maybe all this feeling is just and i'll have to feel a continuous regret and hollow satisfaction in an empty bed. i would like to find someone i could lay around with and waste time and days with talking about nothing and spilling my dark secrets to, and have them not run away. but the likes of those are seemingly not to be found around here. guess it's about that time to give up...again.
there, satan, i have blogged, i made it cryptic enough for you to still understand most of it, my binding contract with you is nihl and fulfilled.
and as greg would prolly like to add: "Satan's kickin' your dick in."
and
whores...!
also
not whore: they burn their hair to make it look pretty. and are nice and warm to cuddle with. also nice company when it's one on one time to sleep.
on another note: i'm tired of what this town has to offer. liars. flirty/floozy/immature. i can't deal with it. i'm filled with an utter, astonishing amount of hopelessness due to the fact that...bah and stuff of the like. maybe it's just the demographic, or maybe all this feeling is just and i'll have to feel a continuous regret and hollow satisfaction in an empty bed. i would like to find someone i could lay around with and waste time and days with talking about nothing and spilling my dark secrets to, and have them not run away. but the likes of those are seemingly not to be found around here. guess it's about that time to give up...again.
there, satan, i have blogged, i made it cryptic enough for you to still understand most of it, my binding contract with you is nihl and fulfilled.
and as greg would prolly like to add: "Satan's kickin' your dick in."
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