eh...i'm really fucking bored

i promise the only reason i'm posting so much is b/c i'm fucking bored, and it's only monday - god i hope this isn't a foreshadowing of the rest of the week. adult swim's on it's second run, and i'm so effin' bored...to be repetitive, so i wrote something to ease my mind, i've already spent an hour on a sketch that sucks, and too long surfin' myspace lookin' at profiles of people that i go to EKU with, and i think i wanna watch a movie and surf the net some more. anywho, i think i'll post that thing i wrote, that's kinda like a poem. "Untitled, But Just For You Anyway" If I clawed my eyes out once more, it would be for no reason These eyes I have long only to see you once again And if they gave up sight, then they'd imagine you Your skin, your hair, every single curve of your body If I cut my hands off, it would spawn stupidity They long only to touch you Your soft silky skin, soft soft hair Like a gentle breeze of wind These shadows draw nearer and the moon is bright These tree loom closer, under the pale moonlight We are here, alone, stranded and possibly forsaken But if I look in your eyes, I feel no fear If I look into your beautiful eyes, I don't care about fear Because nothing could touch us Nothing would ever harm us If we're already lost inside each other there ya go, now seriously i need to do something else that just fucking sit here and be bored, i might go find some booze at iian's cuz they said they were gonna drink tonight...or maybe...i should just dare to dream...maybe about you...maybe about me...maybe i won't dream anymore...i think i'd like it that way.

holla at a brotha

i know i said in cognito for a week, i guess i lied. well i got back friday night and did a whole lot of nothing, dropped a couple of kids off and went home spent some time with my mom and pretty much went to sleep. thinking constantly, then i got up and came over my friends, iian's, house. people kept having to run and get other people, and me and josh had to go get some jim beam black label. ha ha. there was this 16 girl over that was drunk and kept telling me how hot i was, and i thought it was funny, but she ended up getting sick, so me and zach took care of her before she had to go home. ha ha. i felt bad for her, i was a little drunk, but nothing much and that was about 12 shots over 5 hours...not bad - but i'm sad that liquor is losing it's affect on me...god damn, oh well - just have to get more beer, ha. but yeah, i think we're gonna run and do something now, cuz i jacked iian's laptop to surf the net b/c i was bored. he's playing the new GTA, josh is playing iian's street fighter 2 arcade, and b-rizzle is sleeping. i think we're gonna make a movie. ha ha. alrigh kids. i'll see ya later, i might be back again this week. but hopefully i'll be too plastered to move.

acid for brains and a cold black heart

i'm tired, so tired - i'm stretched so thin. ha ha, that was weezer - and this is me: (forewarning, i'm not mr. happy pants) it doesn't matter how many times i tell myself it's nothing, and i'm nothing, cuz i don't ever believe it, i try to convince myself i'm alright - and i tell everyone that i'm just tired and not depressed, beer couldn't even sate my feelings, maybe that's a good thing, then i won't turn into an alcoholic cuz i seem to usually almost feel like this. maybe it's my fault though, for playing it so coy. but i didn't want anything to fuck up, i didn't want to ruin a chance that could've happened, but now there's just 'what ifs' all through my fat head. so i'm just gonna say it now. ya know when i'm with you, my palms sweat, i get nervous, i'm used to being nervous and paranoid about the world around me, but it's not like that, i enjoy being nervous and a wreck when i'm around you, i like having that rush of insecurity, but it's not insecurity anymore, it's like wonder or awe, however you want to look at it. i don't know why, there's something about you that captivates me and draws me in, and i can never figure it out, cuz if i knew it, by now i would've convinced myself to destroy what it is i feel for you, but it's not that simple. there's things i feel that are seldom felt in my world. and so far, i don't know what to do. i wanna sit there and tell you all the things you make me feel, like when i'm with you - the world doesn't matter anymore, and i'm not so scared of anything, i'm just there with you - nothing else exists, no worries, no anxiety, nothing but a connection i can only focus on. and i can't tell you these things b/c i'm so afraid that you'll run away if i open up. maybe it would be too soon to open up, but there's only living fast, b/c you can die at anytime. then what would there be besides regret? i also wanna tell you that those things i wrote, they WERE for you, i didn't want to admit i knew them b/c i felt so stupid for being bored and reading up on your life, so i made a story to tell, i told it so well, but you didn't get to see my face...cuz my face always tells the truth. i haven't wrote anything like that in a while, b/c i've been so barren without inspiration, i don't care about things like that anymore, until i learned them again from you. it may sound cliche and recited, but it's not...i don't want to do anything but make you smile, and it sucks for me cuz...i freeze. i pick myself apart, thinking of ways i could make myself better, and that's not like me, usually what you get is what you see...and if you're lucky you see more inside me. maybe it's just karma, and i deserve this for so horrible crime i committed in a past life, or maybe it's just not my lucky day...but it would be a lie cuz i've already met you and gotten to know you and touch you, i already consider myself a lucky person for that. but maybe luck only goes so far before you have to pick up the rest and run with it, i guess i dropped luck, now i'm looking for the pieces...but luck doesn't shatter, it disappears. and maybe that's all there is to this fairy tale i've spent my time believing...unless you've found luck, then you should run with it. and hopefully it's far away from me, b/c if you're happy that's enough to be good news...but it's something i can't experience with you. you only live twice...but as for me, there's only one life, and that's the life i have to live b/c dreams, my friend, don't exist for me, not since i've been an adult. god, that was prolly depressing for all you out there in cyber land. but that's a glimpse inside my rotting heart...and you might think i'm being emo...but i'm not - heart disease runs in my family...ha ha, so fuck you all you cynical bastardos. and now i will go in cognito for about a week, so don't expect anything out of me, or from me. kiddos. if i wanna talk to you i'll get a hold of you. ha ha. and i apologize for the message being so long. i'm trying to make an inconsiderate person, a little more considerate.

urgh

i said until the day i die...and i guess i died today.

wtf mate?

i'm bored so i figured i'd start talking about nothing, and bug my 3 subscribers...ha ha. i'm such an effin' loser. anywho. there's a feeling in my chest that's hard to repress, so i just want some alcohol, and i wanna get out of ky for a little bit, just a change of scenery would be nice, change of underwear prolly wouldn't hurt, ha ha, j/k - or am i? and man, i really need to have some good sex, it's been a while for that - and i think if it were good, i could deal with a little pain from my piercing - ya know - it's one of those, you take one for the team, well my penis would take one...that was kinda dumb. anyway, i'm bored...still and this hasn't done anything to illeviate any of my boredom, so of a bitch....well i got fencing in two hourse, and i really don't wanna go - but you know what, i have to cuz it's a miss once class before you fail...and guess what - i missed once. i need some jager bitches. out.

another new one

well before i type the poem whatever in here i figured i'd put my life as of the last post, it's been ping pong fury. and i expect rain. what? anyway yeah, i haven't slept in my own bed for three days now...not that i'm complaining - i'm just wondering how long it takes before i'm annoying, cuz i know i'm annoying. anyway with that said spring break is almost here...and i don't really care. i'd actually rather stay here...but there's no reason to fight the inevitable, anywho title: "It's Snowing In March" The stars are bright tonight as I sit here As the cold air pushes up my back I think God damn, loneliness never felt so good It also never felt so bad as now I push the air out of my lungs into clouds in front of my face Maybe there's a little bit of me in them but somehow I doubt it I can't help putting my fingers to the air to retrace your outlines Hoping maybe that you'll appear in front of me like some tangible ghost I remember how your skin feels still, but it hasn't been that long Since I last closed my eyes and highlighted the surface of your body Sometimes I wish I could go back and reword some stupid things I said Or just never say them at all, stop blaming it on the alcohol And maybe I wouldn't feel like such an idiot, such a dork But words can never be erased once they've hit the air There's not a moment that I've forgot the feel of your lips But I wouldn't mind if my memory were refreshed And I can smell you on my clothes and skin I can still taste you on my lips, you're just like poison on my tongue And Every time I lay down I can still feel your hips pressed to mine It's a nice feelling, not being so physically alone, having that warm body Sliding softly against yours, still there when you wake up So I tell the stars now that I'll be alright The cold wind's gone back hom and I think aloud God damn, loneliness never felt so good If you'd really want to call it loneliness...well do you?

a new poem, like you fucking care though

i figured since i have nothing else to do right now, i'd post the poem, or lyrics - whatever it's all the same...that i wrote in NAT 101 ha ha, man i'm so gonna fail.
Title: Chivalry Isn't Dead (But It's Almost Gone)

Look at that silhouette that you wear so well
Without a care it's flawless like a dress
Hanging loosely but clinging in just the right spots I would tell you this but I'm afraid of that first kiss
Not complaining but scared of what it'd tell
Open me up like a story book and burn the pages all to hell
But I can tell that your footsteps are empty like your breaths
And when each step lands you hope it finds happiness
And I hope that too, just for you
You seem to smile on the outside, but on the inside...
The inside seems to crumble like Roman ruins I want to reach down and help pick up the pieces
But they disappear and reappear in front of my eyes
I don't know what it is that I should do
There is a forgetful happiness to your voice
But it's destroyed when you exchange words With someone that's afraid to admit how wonderful you are
To the whole world, he just tells you with whispers
So he can make you his mistress, a dirty little secret
Stuffed in the back of his pocket
Unappreciated, mis-used, and I can't stand it any longer
If you won't stand on your feet I will help you
But I can only be so strong, for so long
Before my legs collapse under the pressure of a selfless act
Maybe you'll notice and maybe you won't, but all that matters is I guess I tried to be there when you pretended to be okay
With all the daring you did to care about him
But there was more daring than you know, done just for you

*oh yeah, i forgot to mention - this is for Raychal...;)