kk?

you keep it so cool, but i can tell...
you're dying on the inside...
and it's forcing you to slowly break apart...

mother fucking god damn

i hate internet drama...especially when i'm involved and i don't even know it, that's fucking super.
so to you fine people: i've said what i needed to say about the situation, just leave me the hell alone.

mother fucking god damn

i hate internet drama...especially when i'm involved and i don't even know it, that's fucking super.

so to you fine people: i've said what i needed to say about the situation, just leave me the hell alone.

concerning this urgent dilemma

you shouldn't really rely on the subject line so much, i mean come on, i'm really just fuckin' with you b/c it's nothing that important, i'm prolly just gonna go on a rant...possibly. i just finished a very good spider-man graphic novel, pretty sweet and well plotted, thank you matt for pushing it off on me, now maybe i'll get through the rest faster. and the most beautiful girl in the world is asleep, and i keep glancing at her. it's really times like these that keep working around in my head, how'd i get to be so lucky, how do i always manage to come out on top. i mean i bitch and whine and complain and do pretty much nothing, and i have to deal with a lot of pointless shit a lot of the time. but things shouldn't ever end up as well as they do most of the time. in perspective if i just stand back and take in every single little thing, no matter how much i might be stressed about something, i still come out ahead and i'd kind've like to know why. it doesn't bother me, just confuses me...hmm...

another middle finger, i cut it off and choke you with it by shoving in down your throat

before i head to the bed i was supposed to be in about and hour and a half ago, i just thought i'd type a lil ole entry to this myspace account, b/c this weekend was wonderousful. i am really lucky to have a great g/f, and whoever else is happy, i'm happy for you. yeah, i know i'm sounding quite the annoying chipper guy right now, but i just figured i'd put it out there, and kind've brag, b/c i don't get that chance too much. and the words you say can't bring me down, i've paid my dues and spent my time in hell, and god dammit now everything's paying up like i've yearned for. and for once, i can see my life getting back on track and my heart's sinking into a nice comfortable bed for some rest from the stress and constant bickering of a succubus trying to steal my soul, but luckily someone played the song backwards for me, and saved me. yay. now...i'm a free and with the most greatest gorgeous g/f in the world....woot.

it you click now, you can get a piece of my sweet sweet ass

oh no, i was just lying - too bad!
damn those cryptic overhauls nowadays w/ you kids. well, i do guess evertyhing seems a little cryptic when you don't know what they're talking about. oh well. la de da da da.

wrath could be a similar but distinctly different occurence that runs with stupidity

The hours of the day finally set in, and I can feel the stress I carry in my back bury into the flattened cushion of my chair. Life is finally what it's cracked up to be, and that's all I can think about. Would it be called happiness? I don't know, but whatever it is I like it. Now it seems like everything/everyone I've had to deal with up to this point have just been this great obstacle to overcome so I could find something concrete, something solid, something real in my heart. Every moment I've wasted dwelling kind've makes sense now, even if it's not clearly understood, my grasp on it has gotten tighter. Certainly my understanding of a few elusive things have indeed improved. Am I saying I know what they are exactly? No. I'm just saying things seem clearer, and I want to keep growing in this way, with this one person who makes my moons glow and those stars in the sky brighter than any other. It's nice to really find that, instead of convincing myself that this was it, it has to be. I've been around long enough, and waded through enough streams of different things to finally get passed where I started, but there were too many times I actually passed the same fucking point. Now, in retrospect, it was all worth it, and I certainly wouldn't have thought that I would find it here.
*note that i can use excellent grammar when i want, and this will be my proof for now you doubting bastards*

a subtle fuck you...just subtle

well, i'm really happy for you, and as for the personal blows, good i guess i would deserve them, but i am gonna point out a few things, k - so if you can take the criticism it's coming your way, so if you delete it, it will be fine, but i'm gonna post it on lj and myspace, just so you can't avoid the truth much longer, like you like to do. so first thing is, you were the one who said you hated sXe kids, those're you words, not mine stuffed into your mouth. and i may be immature, but i still can't hold a candle to drunken prank calls to people i don't like b/c they were picked over me (i mean i didn't hold a grudge when i didn't get picked for stuff in elementary school), but if i did i'd be sure to block my number (i mean come on, i learned to do that in middle school when i was prank calling people, but i totally grew out of that, but i'm glad some people can be a kid at heart, it's nice to not lose that), and i'm not afraid of candy thrown at me at a stupid audience participation show (enough said about that...by the way good luck with that). and yeah, i may have some delusion that i won't/can't die, but you know after you've lived through some really freakish things, i'm sure most common people would, you know with about normal intelligence that can't comprehend some things with that someone with a genius level IQ, but i was never gonna save the world from a zombie invasion, that was just my dream scenario, and i know i wouldn't save everybody, i might save my friends, or generally good people, obviously no one that would be a complete shithead to me. and no i wasn't optimistic, ambitious, i do wallow in my own self pity, but i never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me, and hey, you fell in love with that, i'm sorry that you're bitter because i never said it back. and you claim you were confused about everything, i could see that, someone who drinks themselves into a drunker stupor so frequently would be confused about something that complex, and i'm not being sarcastic about that, love IS a hard thing to wrap your brain around. but maybe that would be my excuse too, i drank too much a liked a girl that i normally wouldn't, but do i regret it, no, not really - because i did have some good times, and yes there were bad, for instance, now - i'm trying to move on but somehow i get pulled back into these things b/c i'm too prideful to let you have the last word. random transition: i'm jewish, and if you've ever watched south park, JEWS DON'T HAVE RYTHM, and i respect that he can drum, hell from the two times i've talked to johnathan, he seemed like a really kickass dude, and it sucks b/c he prolly hates me b/c i'm his girlfriend's ex, who she hates, kind've like i disliked bobby for a while, but you know what, i don't hate bobby, and seeing as we have a few friends in common, we prolly would've gotten along, but now it's just really akward any time we see each other, and i can thank myself for that, because i did stir up a lot of dust around you and him and rachel, but you know what - you all seem to be getting along fine now, so in the end, i guess it just doesn't matter anymore. plus you were the one who kept saying you really hated him, and the only reason you still talked to him was for either a cheap laugh, or just bitch him out and ride his ass about something, to either piss him off or make him feel like shit. and some people like to do that, i for one admire the fact that you can be a heartless bitch to everyone, i just can't do that. i can only be mean to the people that care about me. yes, it's shitty, but i can admit to it openly without being hassled about it, and it's not really a problem (or an addiction let's say) because i do realize my errors and try to resolve them quickly after the problem arises. but according to the masses, or you, i'm still a shitty person, b/c i don't hold grudges, b/c i don't care for drama, b/c i'm the immature one, b/c i don't have muscles (but the truth is, your 4 or whatever years of shaolin couldn't protect you from the flying reese's cup from hell). and no, i really don't care too much for you now, i DID want to be friends, but your mind was too cloudy to understand that i needed time away from you period before we could hang out again, and your begging just made things worse, and begging was not an exaggeration no matter how you wanna spin the web. and if you claim that i'm a liar, fine - i don't care if you believe my story, b/c you KNOW that these things i've said ARE true, whether you want to admit to it or not. the fact is, if no one believes me it doesn't really matter, but i'm tired of people thinking i'm a shitty person b/c of the way you portray me. and for the fucking record. i DO NOT HATE: John, Whitney, Johnathan, Bobby, Rachel, Casey, or anyone else that may be in your little group now, including you, and if you ever wanna be friends, that's fine, if not, that's fine, too. but i'm tired of all this hearsay bullshit of me posting my opinions on my pages, and you on yours, cuz obviously we've both read them. but THIS IS THE LAST THING I'M SAYING ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION BETWEEN ME AND YOU. and those are my final words, so say whatever you will, b/c i will not reply or argue (oh, i'm sorry - discuss - cuz that's what you intelligent people do) about this topic/situation/whatever you wanna call it anymore, i'm too tired of this shit and i've avoided pointless drama too long to just wind up getting drawn back into it now.

a subtle fuck you...just subtle

well, i'm really happy for you, and as for the personal blows, good i guess i would deserve them, but i am gonna point out a few things, k - so if you can take the criticism it's coming your way, so if you delete it, it will be fine, but i'm gonna post it on lj and myspace, just so you can't avoid the truth much longer, like you like to do. so first thing is, you were the one who said you hated sXe kids, those're you words, not mine stuffed into your mouth. and i may be immature, but i still can't hold a candle to drunken prank calls to people i don't like b/c they were picked over me (i mean i didn't hold a grudge when i didn't get picked for stuff in elementary school), but if i did i'd be sure to block my number (i mean come on, i learned to do that in middle school when i was prank calling people, but i totally grew out of that, but i'm glad some people can be a kid at heart, it's nice to not lose that), and i'm not afraid of candy thrown at me at a stupid audience participation show (enough said about that...by the way good luck with that). and yeah, i may have some delusion that i won't/can't die, but you know after you've lived through some really freakish things, i'm sure most common people would, you know with about normal intelligence that can't comprehend some things with that someone with a genius level IQ, but i was never gonna save the world from a zombie invasion, that was just my dream scenario, and i know i wouldn't save everybody, i might save my friends, or generally good people, obviously no one that would be a complete shithead to me. and no i wasn't optimistic, ambitious, i do wallow in my own self pity, but i never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me, and hey, you fell in love with that, i'm sorry that you're bitter because i never said it back. and you claim you were confused about everything, i could see that, someone who drinks themselves into a drunker stupor so frequently would be confused about something that complex, and i'm not being sarcastic about that, love IS a hard thing to wrap your brain around. but maybe that would be my excuse too, i drank too much a liked a girl that i normally wouldn't, but do i regret it, no, not really - because i did have some good times, and yes there were bad, for instance, now - i'm trying to move on but somehow i get pulled back into these things b/c i'm too prideful to let you have the last word. random transition: i'm jewish, and if you've ever watched south park, JEWS DON'T HAVE RYTHM, and i respect that he can drum, hell from the two times i've talked to johnathan, he seemed like a really kickass dude, and it sucks b/c he prolly hates me b/c i'm his girlfriend's ex, who she hates, kind've like i disliked bobby for a while, but you know what, i don't hate bobby, and seeing as we have a few friends in common, we prolly would've gotten along, but now it's just really akward any time we see each other, and i can thank myself for that, because i did stir up a lot of dust around you and him and rachel, but you know what - you all seem to be getting along fine now, so in the end, i guess it just doesn't matter anymore. plus you were the one who kept saying you really hated him, and the only reason you still talked to him was for either a cheap laugh, or just bitch him out and ride his ass about something, to either piss him off or make him feel like shit. and some people like to do that, i for one admire the fact that you can be a heartless bitch to everyone, i just can't do that. i can only be mean to the people that care about me. yes, it's shitty, but i can admit to it openly without being hassled about it, and it's not really a problem (or an addiction let's say) because i do realize my errors and try to resolve them quickly after the problem arises. but according to the masses, or you, i'm still a shitty person, b/c i don't hold grudges, b/c i don't care for drama, b/c i'm the immature one, b/c i don't have muscles (but the truth is, your 4 or whatever years of shaolin couldn't protect you from the flying reese's cup from hell). and no, i really don't care too much for you now, i DID want to be friends, but your mind was too cloudy to understand that i needed time away from you period before we could hang out again, and your begging just made things worse, and begging was not an exaggeration no matter how you wanna spin the web. and if you claim that i'm a liar, fine - i don't care if you believe my story, b/c you KNOW that these things i've said ARE true, whether you want to admit to it or not. the fact is, if no one believes me it doesn't really matter, but i'm tired of people thinking i'm a shitty person b/c of the way you portray me. and for the fucking record. i DO NOT HATE: John, Whitney, Johnathan, Bobby, Rachel, Casey, or anyone else that may be in your little group now, including you, and if you ever wanna be friends, that's fine, if not, that's fine, too. but i'm tired of all this hearsay bullshit of me posting my opinions on my pages, and you on yours, cuz obviously we've both read them. but THIS IS THE LAST THING I'M SAYING ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION BETWEEN ME AND YOU. and those are my final words, so say whatever you will, b/c i will not reply or argue (oh, i'm sorry - discuss - cuz that's what you intelligent people do) about this topic/situation/whatever you wanna call it anymore, i'm too tired of this shit and i've avoided pointless drama too long to just wind up getting drawn back into it now.

she's a brick and drownin' slowly, off the coast and i'm headin' nowhere

hmm, so i've come to understand that the DM takes it quite easy on us. the four-armed gorilla was way too easy, but then again i did have two skeleton minions plus zach and greg's awesome attacks, although the dwarf wasn't rollin' 20's, and i got to urinate on zach's character, w00t. but all in all, it was prolly one of the best games of d&d b/c i didn't almost freaggin' die, and i'm making good friends with Mimble, a halfling arcane necromancer, and possibly learning some shit beyond my amnesia. but all in all, pretty sweet stuff, and fuck jason's character too, that bastard. he should know what i'm talking about. that son of a bitch.

and for anyone that hates me now because i'm dating someone, well not just the sheer fact that i'm dating, but b/c who i'm dating - and those of you that know, know - those who don't, don't worry about it. uhm, there's just about one person that i would say, 'get over it' and she understands who she is. but everyone else, that's either dropped me off their friends lists or just taken a bias against me. hey, i'm sorry that you feel that way, i don't really think any less of all of you, it just sucks that you've decided to either not like me because association or whatever reason, and i'm still not gonna have anything against you. but you know i'm always gonna be this way, and i'll be here if any of you ever come around. if not, nice knowing you, if was fun. and now i've made my peace. if you'd like to let me know that you don't or do hate me, that's fine - i'd at least like to know where i stand with people, cuz god knows i didn't have the intention of hurting anyone's feelings or betraying anyone. it's just stuff i can't really control, b/c if i could i prolly wouldn't be human. anywho, this has been way too long, so goodbye.

if you read this, then read this - if not...then i don't care...fuck you

alright, for those of you who want an update on my life...ha ha - fuck you - you don't get it. anywho, those who need to know are in the know and you my friends might not be. anywho...i started this blog with the full intention of handing out a lil online survey...but i've changed my mind...i don't really wanna do that, b/c i'm sure there are people that do read this (for a lack of things to do, or life, or boredom, who knows) that aren't exactly on my...hey buddy list...so i'm just gonna save time and just randomly make a blog that makes no sense whatsoever and misses the whole point of why it was started, but that's why my friends love me...i'm a random, pointless sexy beast who'll save you from a wide scale zombie manifesto...yo.