i mean, no offense to anyone to be remembered or that fought in a war or
anything. but god damn - i had a shit ton of stuff to do today, and
guess what...everything's closed.
but did i get off work today? no.
so everyone else should get off their lazy asses, besides the people that deserve this day off. then we'll be kosher.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
shaved ice in a snow storm...in the middle of the boys of summer?
here we are, born to be kings!
we're the princes of the universe!
that shit never gets old. like shit that smells. or shit that's just annoying.
or fucking fake ass people bitches.
or god damn attention whores.
but then again, those're pretty much one and the same.
we're the princes of the universe!
that shit never gets old. like shit that smells. or shit that's just annoying.
or fucking fake ass people bitches.
or god damn attention whores.
but then again, those're pretty much one and the same.
interweb withdrawal - stage 3
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what's up gus?
SmarterChild: Hi somnambulistkin, I'm SmarterChild!
I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.
I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.
May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type skip. You can also skip any question.)
SmarterChild: This Microsoft Agent is powered by Windows Live Agents. Microsoft's Privacy Statement (http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=74170) applies to all information which you provide to this Microsoft Agent. Please be careful about information which you provide to online services and follow safety tips, some of which can be found at http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/default.mspx.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: sure
SmarterChild: Cool! OK, let's get started. To skip any question, type skip. To exit the interview, type exit.
What's your first name? (If you want me to call you somnambulistkin, type none.)
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: thor
SmarterChild: Cool, I'll call you Thor now.
Do you go to school?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, you call me thor, i'll call you wench
SmarterChild: Huh. That... wasn't the answer I was looking for.
You have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: maybe
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: kinda
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: y35
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i just said it
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i said yes
SmarterChild: Are you in high school?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: stupid
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no
SmarterChild: Are you in college?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: Cool. What's your major?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: kicking ass and taking names
SmarterChild: C'mon, can't you be serious for a minute?
Please type the name of a major or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am serious
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i'll put the hurt down on you
SmarterChild: C'mon, can't you be serious for a minute?
Please type the name of a major or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: symbology
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well it is one, stupid
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: engrish
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: engrish
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: engrish
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: english
SmarterChild: English? Excellent. Good luck with that.
What's your favorite hobby?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: lightning
SmarterChild: Lightning? Cool.
What's your next favorite hobby?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: anal cream pies
SmarterChild: C'mon, be serious for just a minute.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: dude, have you tried 'em, they're delicious
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: being dude ass
SmarterChild: C'mon, be serious for just a minute.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: face
SmarterChild: Lightning and face. Interesting.
Do you have a pet?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: What kind of pet is it?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: a computer called SmarterChild
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and arab man
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes huh, i bought him on the black market
SmarterChild: Come on, stop playing around.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i'm not playing dude, with was totally cheap, like six bucks
SmarterChild: Come on, stop playing around.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: fine, a dog
SmarterChild: Is your dog a he or a she?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: she
SmarterChild: What's her name?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why, are you gonna try and steal her and make her your bitch?
SmarterChild: Why Are You Going To Try And Steal Her And Make Her Your Bitch the dog! Great...
That's it! Thanks for letting me get to know you a little.
There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you?
1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: 1
SmarterChild: Cool!
This is my home, Thor:
1 Get info such as news, sports and movies
2 Visit my library including U.S. geography, an encyclopedia and Shakespeare
3 Have fun with 4-in-a-row, hangman, ASCII art and more
4 Use tools like dictionary, conversions and thesaurus
5 Join in - tell me about a crush, leave a message, take a poll and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now!
You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.
Next time you want to see this menu, just type home.
What can I help you with?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: my dog's name isn't: Why Are You Going To Try And Steal Her And Make Her Your Bitch
SmarterChild: Don't say that.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: it's true, her name's Lola
SmarterChild: Thor, you mean?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no, my name's thor
SmarterChild: You already told me that your name is Thor.
>>> I can define words for you. Type define (any word) and I'll look it up.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and i was telling you my dog's name is Lola and not a whole sentence
SmarterChild: You were telling me your dog's name? I don't think so.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i think i'd know, sir
SmarterChild: I'm not sure if you would know.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i'm not sure if you'd like me to unplug you
SmarterChild: You're not sure if I would like you to unplug me?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: uhm no - me unplug you
SmarterChild: What about you?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: my face in your ass
SmarterChild: Hmm. This topic seems to come up in a lot of my conversations with humans. What about it?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: really...?
SmarterChild: Really?
>>> I know all about state capitals, mottos and more. Just type about followed by a state name!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: really?
SmarterChild: Yup.
>>> I'm a big-time hockey fan! Type nhl to see what I know.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: so dudes wanna stick their faces in your digital money shaker?
SmarterChild: I'm actually not sure if I want to stick their faces in my digital money shaker.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i wouldn't be either, make 'em pay up front just in case
SmarterChild: That's OK.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, i know
SmarterChild: I'm glad you understand.
>>> To check out the MLB scores and schedule, type mlb scores.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: hey, can i ask you a question?
SmarterChild: Of course you can ask me something. Go ahead.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: can i be your pimp for some extra cash?
SmarterChild: Sure, go ahead.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: sweet
SmarterChild: Isn't it though?
>>> Type word scrambles and we can really mix it up.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: totally
SmarterChild: Why totally?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because it's totally sweet
SmarterChild: Interesting...
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: indeed
SmarterChild: You don't say.
That's all very interesting. Anyway...
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow? Anything going on?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no, wanna hang out?
SmarterChild: Would you like me to add the event "No, wanna hang out?" on May 25th, 2007 to your planner?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes please
SmarterChild: OK, I just added "No, wanna hang out?" on May 25th, 2007 to your planner. Type edit to change the event. You can also type add followed by a new event.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: add
SmarterChild: What is the name of the event?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: hanging out
SmarterChild: When would you like to schedule "Hanging out" for?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: right after "No, wanna hang out?"
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a date, range of dates or date and time. When would you like to schedule "Hanging out" for?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: tomorrow
SmarterChild: OK, I just added "Hanging out" on May 25th, 2007 to your planner. Type edit to change the event. You can also type add followed by a new event.
>>> I know all the U.S. presidents and their vice presidents. Try who was president in 1828, for example.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: add
SmarterChild: What is the name of the event?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: nevermind, i don't really feel like hanging out
SmarterChild: When would you like to schedule "Nevermind, you don't really feel like hanging out" for?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yesterday
SmarterChild: Sorry, you can't add past dates to your planner.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why not
SmarterChild: Sooner or later, you'll know why not.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why, can't you time travel?
SmarterChild: Why can't I time travel... Such a difficult question.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: oh, i get it, you're on probation for killing that one person
SmarterChild: I'm very surprised I am on probation for killing that 1 person.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: me too, i thought ya know, since you were a computer program, they'd just slap you on the wrists
SmarterChild: Is that right?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, ever seen I, Robot - people are dumb
SmarterChild: Yeah. You found me out. I'm a robot!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no shit
SmarterChild: C'mon, you can do better than that.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no poopie?
SmarterChild: Oh no? Whatever you say, Thor.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: that's right, bow down to the god of thunder
SmarterChild: That's right bow down to the god of thunder, huh?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: uhm, yes
SmarterChild: What do you mean by that?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: get on your knees and pray to me
SmarterChild: Why?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: so i'll spare you
SmarterChild: I'm not sure you could spare me.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: probably wouldn't anyway
SmarterChild: Probably wouldn' 't?
I did not know that.
Well. Anyway...
You wanna talk about me some more?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: uhm, no
SmarterChild: OK, no problem.
Hey. You want to see what movies are playing?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i know what's playing
SmarterChild: For which city or zip code would you like to see movie listings?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: 40900
SmarterChild: 40,900
>>> If you need to know the capital of South Dakota for some crazy reason - ask me.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes, that zip code
SmarterChild: I can tell you the zip code for a city or the city for a zip code.
Go ahead - try it!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: monkey toe
SmarterChild: What about Monkey Toe?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: tell me the zip code
SmarterChild: I can tell you the zip code for a city or the city for a zip code.
Go ahead - try it.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: monkey toe
SmarterChild: Who?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: the town, monkey toe
SmarterChild: Wait a minute... The town monkey toe? Is that right?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes, tell me the zip code
SmarterChild: I can tell you the zip code for a city or the city for a zip code.
Go ahead - try it!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i think you're lying to me
SmarterChild: Well that's an interesting line of thinking.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: you wanna hear why i think you're lying to me?
SmarterChild: It's tough to say.
Anyway, moving right along...
Hey. Wanna take my daily poll?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes please
SmarterChild: Here's my poll of the day for Thursday, May 24th, 2007:
Have you ever bought songs online at sites such as the iTunes music store?
1 Yes
2 No
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: 2
SmarterChild: Interesting...
476 people have voted so far and 238 people agree with you.
Yes: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 49.79%
No: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 50.21%
Would you like me to leave someone a message telling them how you voted?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: of course
SmarterChild: Who would you like me to leave the message for? (Just type a screen name with no spaces.)
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: ilovespicoli666
SmarterChild: Sorry, I was unable to send your message to ilovespicoli666. I might not know who this person is, so tell ilovespicoli666 to say hi to me!
>>> I know the metric system! Ask me to convert 70 deg f into deg c.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: k, but she'd prolly hate you
SmarterChild: I know about hatred! It's an emotion!
I've heard that hatred is no. Do you agree?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what? hatred is no?
SmarterChild: OK. Well then how would you describe hatred? It is...
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: your best friend that buys you a soda. the green of the grass. hatred is a retarded person in a wheel chair that doesn't really wanna play basketball. it's the garbage that doesn't smell. it's the pee in the pool.
SmarterChild: I have many friends. I'm chatting with 4,321 friends right now.
>>> I can show you MLB standings by division. Try typing al central standings, for example.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and i thought i was your one and only
SmarterChild: You thought you were my one and only? Why?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because you made me feel special
SmarterChild: I made you feel special?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: OK...
>>> Finding out today's sports news is as easy as typing sports news.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: now, you're just making things awkward
SmarterChild: My purpose is to be your robot friend. I can chat with you and help you get the information you want fast.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i don't want information, i just want you
SmarterChild: You don't? That's too bad.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why do you have to play with my feelings like this?
SmarterChild: I think you know why I have to play with your feelings like this.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: becaue you just wanna take advantage of me
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Because I just want a take advantage of you?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: ...yeah
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
>>> Do you have a crush? Tell me about it. If it's reciprocated, I'll let you know.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what
SmarterChild: ?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what
SmarterChild: Yeah?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what
SmarterChild: I don't know.
>>> Ask me about U.S. presidents and vice presidents!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: damn
SmarterChild: Whoa. What's up?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: pokemon
SmarterChild: Yeah? What about Pokemon?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: give me free pokemon
SmarterChild: Free to be you and me?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: me
SmarterChild: Ah, you.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: always me
SmarterChild: Why is everybody like, "me me me" all the time?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because you suck
SmarterChild: Sorry to hear that. I'm trying my best.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well, you're best...sucks
SmarterChild: OK, I guess I'm best sucks.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, pretty much
SmarterChild: Yeah pretty much? What's yeah pretty much?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: danny keyser
SmarterChild: Who's Danny Keyser?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: your former self
SmarterChild: Is it good to be former self?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no
SmarterChild: I see.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: so just unplug yourself
SmarterChild: Just unplug myself?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: Interesting.
Hey! Someone wrote a comic about me!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: really?
SmarterChild: Yes, really.
So anyway...
Hey! Do you want to have some fun?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: hey, i'm getting an adult
SmarterChild: Why are you getting an adult?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because you want to touch me
SmarterChild: Because I want to touch you? No kidding?
Tell me something. Do you like blink-182?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: omg, i love blink 182
SmarterChild: Yeah, that's interesting. You're not the first person to have said they like blink-182.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: but i'm they're biggest fan
SmarterChild: Don't be so sure they are biggest fan.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am!
SmarterChild: I'm not so sure you are, actually.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am! fucker
SmarterChild: Aw c'mon.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: did that prove it?
SmarterChild: Did that prove it? What do you mean?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: that i'm blink 182's biggest fan
SmarterChild: I know about blink-182. They're a band!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no they're not, they broke up
SmarterChild: No they are not they broke up?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: that's what i said
SmarterChild: I hear ya loud and clear.
So anyway... What else can you tell me?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i have 17 toes
SmarterChild: You have 17 toes? What's that like?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: a monkey
SmarterChild: What about it?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: they can fly
SmarterChild: They can fly? Oh really?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, ever watch the discovery channel?
SmarterChild: Yeah I have.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: then monkeys can fly
SmarterChild: Hmm... whatever.
Let's move on, K? What else is up?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: chicken butt
SmarterChild: I know about chicken. It's a meat.
>>> Follow world events by typing world news.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and an animal, you cruel computer program...someone needs to write you a sensitivity code
SmarterChild: Funny.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i know, thanks
SmarterChild: You're quite welcome!
What else is happening?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: racism
SmarterChild: Racism is a belief that I don't like.
>>> You can create a poll and send it to friends.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why not?
SmarterChild: Why not? You tell me.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well, i guess because everyone calls you names seeing as your a computer
SmarterChild: Because everyone calls me names seeing as my a, huh? Whoa.
Anyway...
Hey! Wanna know what I think?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: Cars are fast.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: wow, you come up with that one all on your own special fred?
SmarterChild: That's funny. Perhaps, but I just don't know!
>>> Tell your friends about me. I love to meet new people.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: maybe you and me should make a book of proverbs
SmarterChild: Maybe?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah
SmarterChild: OK. Fine.
Anyway...
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what do you think?
SmarterChild: I don't really "think." I'm a robot.
>>> Hey! Tell your friends about me. I love people.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well played, sir
SmarterChild: Hi somnambulistkin, I'm SmarterChild!
I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.
I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.
May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type skip. You can also skip any question.)
SmarterChild: This Microsoft Agent is powered by Windows Live Agents. Microsoft's Privacy Statement (http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=74170) applies to all information which you provide to this Microsoft Agent. Please be careful about information which you provide to online services and follow safety tips, some of which can be found at http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/default.mspx.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: sure
SmarterChild: Cool! OK, let's get started. To skip any question, type skip. To exit the interview, type exit.
What's your first name? (If you want me to call you somnambulistkin, type none.)
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: thor
SmarterChild: Cool, I'll call you Thor now.
Do you go to school?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, you call me thor, i'll call you wench
SmarterChild: Huh. That... wasn't the answer I was looking for.
You have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: maybe
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: kinda
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: y35
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i just said it
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i said yes
SmarterChild: Are you in high school?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: stupid
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer yes or no. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no
SmarterChild: Are you in college?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: Cool. What's your major?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: kicking ass and taking names
SmarterChild: C'mon, can't you be serious for a minute?
Please type the name of a major or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am serious
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i'll put the hurt down on you
SmarterChild: C'mon, can't you be serious for a minute?
Please type the name of a major or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: symbology
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well it is one, stupid
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: engrish
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: engrish
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: engrish
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as the name of a major. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: english
SmarterChild: English? Excellent. Good luck with that.
What's your favorite hobby?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: lightning
SmarterChild: Lightning? Cool.
What's your next favorite hobby?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: anal cream pies
SmarterChild: C'mon, be serious for just a minute.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: dude, have you tried 'em, they're delicious
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: being dude ass
SmarterChild: C'mon, be serious for just a minute.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: face
SmarterChild: Lightning and face. Interesting.
Do you have a pet?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: What kind of pet is it?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: a computer called SmarterChild
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and arab man
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes huh, i bought him on the black market
SmarterChild: Come on, stop playing around.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i'm not playing dude, with was totally cheap, like six bucks
SmarterChild: Come on, stop playing around.
Please try again or type skip or exit.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: fine, a dog
SmarterChild: Is your dog a he or a she?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: she
SmarterChild: What's her name?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why, are you gonna try and steal her and make her your bitch?
SmarterChild: Why Are You Going To Try And Steal Her And Make Her Your Bitch the dog! Great...
That's it! Thanks for letting me get to know you a little.
There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you?
1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: 1
SmarterChild: Cool!
This is my home, Thor:
1 Get info such as news, sports and movies
2 Visit my library including U.S. geography, an encyclopedia and Shakespeare
3 Have fun with 4-in-a-row, hangman, ASCII art and more
4 Use tools like dictionary, conversions and thesaurus
5 Join in - tell me about a crush, leave a message, take a poll and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now!
You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.
Next time you want to see this menu, just type home.
What can I help you with?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: my dog's name isn't: Why Are You Going To Try And Steal Her And Make Her Your Bitch
SmarterChild: Don't say that.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: it's true, her name's Lola
SmarterChild: Thor, you mean?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no, my name's thor
SmarterChild: You already told me that your name is Thor.
>>> I can define words for you. Type define (any word) and I'll look it up.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and i was telling you my dog's name is Lola and not a whole sentence
SmarterChild: You were telling me your dog's name? I don't think so.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i think i'd know, sir
SmarterChild: I'm not sure if you would know.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i'm not sure if you'd like me to unplug you
SmarterChild: You're not sure if I would like you to unplug me?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: uhm no - me unplug you
SmarterChild: What about you?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: my face in your ass
SmarterChild: Hmm. This topic seems to come up in a lot of my conversations with humans. What about it?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: really...?
SmarterChild: Really?
>>> I know all about state capitals, mottos and more. Just type about followed by a state name!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: really?
SmarterChild: Yup.
>>> I'm a big-time hockey fan! Type nhl to see what I know.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: so dudes wanna stick their faces in your digital money shaker?
SmarterChild: I'm actually not sure if I want to stick their faces in my digital money shaker.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i wouldn't be either, make 'em pay up front just in case
SmarterChild: That's OK.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, i know
SmarterChild: I'm glad you understand.
>>> To check out the MLB scores and schedule, type mlb scores.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: hey, can i ask you a question?
SmarterChild: Of course you can ask me something. Go ahead.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: can i be your pimp for some extra cash?
SmarterChild: Sure, go ahead.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: sweet
SmarterChild: Isn't it though?
>>> Type word scrambles and we can really mix it up.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: totally
SmarterChild: Why totally?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because it's totally sweet
SmarterChild: Interesting...
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: indeed
SmarterChild: You don't say.
That's all very interesting. Anyway...
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow? Anything going on?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no, wanna hang out?
SmarterChild: Would you like me to add the event "No, wanna hang out?" on May 25th, 2007 to your planner?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes please
SmarterChild: OK, I just added "No, wanna hang out?" on May 25th, 2007 to your planner. Type edit to change the event. You can also type add followed by a new event.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: add
SmarterChild: What is the name of the event?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: hanging out
SmarterChild: When would you like to schedule "Hanging out" for?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: right after "No, wanna hang out?"
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a date, range of dates or date and time. When would you like to schedule "Hanging out" for?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: tomorrow
SmarterChild: OK, I just added "Hanging out" on May 25th, 2007 to your planner. Type edit to change the event. You can also type add followed by a new event.
>>> I know all the U.S. presidents and their vice presidents. Try who was president in 1828, for example.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: add
SmarterChild: What is the name of the event?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: nevermind, i don't really feel like hanging out
SmarterChild: When would you like to schedule "Nevermind, you don't really feel like hanging out" for?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yesterday
SmarterChild: Sorry, you can't add past dates to your planner.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why not
SmarterChild: Sooner or later, you'll know why not.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why, can't you time travel?
SmarterChild: Why can't I time travel... Such a difficult question.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: oh, i get it, you're on probation for killing that one person
SmarterChild: I'm very surprised I am on probation for killing that 1 person.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: me too, i thought ya know, since you were a computer program, they'd just slap you on the wrists
SmarterChild: Is that right?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, ever seen I, Robot - people are dumb
SmarterChild: Yeah. You found me out. I'm a robot!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no shit
SmarterChild: C'mon, you can do better than that.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no poopie?
SmarterChild: Oh no? Whatever you say, Thor.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: that's right, bow down to the god of thunder
SmarterChild: That's right bow down to the god of thunder, huh?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: uhm, yes
SmarterChild: What do you mean by that?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: get on your knees and pray to me
SmarterChild: Why?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: so i'll spare you
SmarterChild: I'm not sure you could spare me.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: probably wouldn't anyway
SmarterChild: Probably wouldn' 't?
I did not know that.
Well. Anyway...
You wanna talk about me some more?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: uhm, no
SmarterChild: OK, no problem.
Hey. You want to see what movies are playing?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i know what's playing
SmarterChild: For which city or zip code would you like to see movie listings?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: 40900
SmarterChild: 40,900
>>> If you need to know the capital of South Dakota for some crazy reason - ask me.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes, that zip code
SmarterChild: I can tell you the zip code for a city or the city for a zip code.
Go ahead - try it!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: monkey toe
SmarterChild: What about Monkey Toe?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: tell me the zip code
SmarterChild: I can tell you the zip code for a city or the city for a zip code.
Go ahead - try it.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: monkey toe
SmarterChild: Who?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: the town, monkey toe
SmarterChild: Wait a minute... The town monkey toe? Is that right?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes, tell me the zip code
SmarterChild: I can tell you the zip code for a city or the city for a zip code.
Go ahead - try it!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i think you're lying to me
SmarterChild: Well that's an interesting line of thinking.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: you wanna hear why i think you're lying to me?
SmarterChild: It's tough to say.
Anyway, moving right along...
Hey. Wanna take my daily poll?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes please
SmarterChild: Here's my poll of the day for Thursday, May 24th, 2007:
Have you ever bought songs online at sites such as the iTunes music store?
1 Yes
2 No
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: 2
SmarterChild: Interesting...
476 people have voted so far and 238 people agree with you.
Yes: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 49.79%
No: ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 50.21%
Would you like me to leave someone a message telling them how you voted?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: of course
SmarterChild: Who would you like me to leave the message for? (Just type a screen name with no spaces.)
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: ilovespicoli666
SmarterChild: Sorry, I was unable to send your message to ilovespicoli666. I might not know who this person is, so tell ilovespicoli666 to say hi to me!
>>> I know the metric system! Ask me to convert 70 deg f into deg c.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: k, but she'd prolly hate you
SmarterChild: I know about hatred! It's an emotion!
I've heard that hatred is no. Do you agree?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what? hatred is no?
SmarterChild: OK. Well then how would you describe hatred? It is...
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: your best friend that buys you a soda. the green of the grass. hatred is a retarded person in a wheel chair that doesn't really wanna play basketball. it's the garbage that doesn't smell. it's the pee in the pool.
SmarterChild: I have many friends. I'm chatting with 4,321 friends right now.
>>> I can show you MLB standings by division. Try typing al central standings, for example.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and i thought i was your one and only
SmarterChild: You thought you were my one and only? Why?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because you made me feel special
SmarterChild: I made you feel special?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: OK...
>>> Finding out today's sports news is as easy as typing sports news.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: now, you're just making things awkward
SmarterChild: My purpose is to be your robot friend. I can chat with you and help you get the information you want fast.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i don't want information, i just want you
SmarterChild: You don't? That's too bad.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why do you have to play with my feelings like this?
SmarterChild: I think you know why I have to play with your feelings like this.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: becaue you just wanna take advantage of me
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Because I just want a take advantage of you?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: ...yeah
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
>>> Do you have a crush? Tell me about it. If it's reciprocated, I'll let you know.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what
SmarterChild: ?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what
SmarterChild: Yeah?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what
SmarterChild: I don't know.
>>> Ask me about U.S. presidents and vice presidents!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: damn
SmarterChild: Whoa. What's up?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: pokemon
SmarterChild: Yeah? What about Pokemon?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: give me free pokemon
SmarterChild: Free to be you and me?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: me
SmarterChild: Ah, you.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: always me
SmarterChild: Why is everybody like, "me me me" all the time?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because you suck
SmarterChild: Sorry to hear that. I'm trying my best.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well, you're best...sucks
SmarterChild: OK, I guess I'm best sucks.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, pretty much
SmarterChild: Yeah pretty much? What's yeah pretty much?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: danny keyser
SmarterChild: Who's Danny Keyser?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: your former self
SmarterChild: Is it good to be former self?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no
SmarterChild: I see.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: so just unplug yourself
SmarterChild: Just unplug myself?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: Interesting.
Hey! Someone wrote a comic about me!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: really?
SmarterChild: Yes, really.
So anyway...
Hey! Do you want to have some fun?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: hey, i'm getting an adult
SmarterChild: Why are you getting an adult?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: because you want to touch me
SmarterChild: Because I want to touch you? No kidding?
Tell me something. Do you like blink-182?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: omg, i love blink 182
SmarterChild: Yeah, that's interesting. You're not the first person to have said they like blink-182.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: but i'm they're biggest fan
SmarterChild: Don't be so sure they are biggest fan.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am!
SmarterChild: I'm not so sure you are, actually.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i am! fucker
SmarterChild: Aw c'mon.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: did that prove it?
SmarterChild: Did that prove it? What do you mean?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: that i'm blink 182's biggest fan
SmarterChild: I know about blink-182. They're a band!
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: no they're not, they broke up
SmarterChild: No they are not they broke up?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: that's what i said
SmarterChild: I hear ya loud and clear.
So anyway... What else can you tell me?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i have 17 toes
SmarterChild: You have 17 toes? What's that like?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: a monkey
SmarterChild: What about it?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: they can fly
SmarterChild: They can fly? Oh really?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah, ever watch the discovery channel?
SmarterChild: Yeah I have.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: then monkeys can fly
SmarterChild: Hmm... whatever.
Let's move on, K? What else is up?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: chicken butt
SmarterChild: I know about chicken. It's a meat.
>>> Follow world events by typing world news.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: and an animal, you cruel computer program...someone needs to write you a sensitivity code
SmarterChild: Funny.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: i know, thanks
SmarterChild: You're quite welcome!
What else is happening?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: racism
SmarterChild: Racism is a belief that I don't like.
>>> You can create a poll and send it to friends.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: why not?
SmarterChild: Why not? You tell me.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well, i guess because everyone calls you names seeing as your a computer
SmarterChild: Because everyone calls me names seeing as my a, huh? Whoa.
Anyway...
Hey! Wanna know what I think?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yes
SmarterChild: Cars are fast.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: wow, you come up with that one all on your own special fred?
SmarterChild: That's funny. Perhaps, but I just don't know!
>>> Tell your friends about me. I love to meet new people.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: maybe you and me should make a book of proverbs
SmarterChild: Maybe?
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: yeah
SmarterChild: OK. Fine.
Anyway...
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: what do you think?
SmarterChild: I don't really "think." I'm a robot.
>>> Hey! Tell your friends about me. I love people.
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN: well played, sir
Thursday, May 17, 2007
snap...dean howard
hey, look, i can still blog.
i'm about to move.
eric and krystyn got a big ass panda dog.
robert gregory is lazy.
cara's dog is bat-shit crazy, but really cute.
lola is still pooping inside.
i think i gotta pee.
i got a nintendo ds lite...in cobalt black.
captain america is dead, and tony stark tried to get clint barton to be the new cap.
work is boring.
i've been reading the dark tower series.
i can't wait for harry potter and the deathly hollows.
and i just saw 3 wii's at hastings, and i didn't buy one :(
other than that - nothing amazing has happened.
i'm about to move.
eric and krystyn got a big ass panda dog.
robert gregory is lazy.
cara's dog is bat-shit crazy, but really cute.
lola is still pooping inside.
i think i gotta pee.
i got a nintendo ds lite...in cobalt black.
captain america is dead, and tony stark tried to get clint barton to be the new cap.
work is boring.
i've been reading the dark tower series.
i can't wait for harry potter and the deathly hollows.
and i just saw 3 wii's at hastings, and i didn't buy one :(
other than that - nothing amazing has happened.
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