as much as i despise moving back to where i grew up, ultimately a change in scenery is really what i need. i've been more depressed than ever the passed few weeks (and to give you an example, i have had clean underwear in two weeks and i haven't shaved at all in that amount of time either, not to mention my terrible sleeping habits).
but all is not lost, last night inspiration struck in a fierce way that hasn't happened since i felt happy. and i spent the better part of two hours constructing a new idea for a comic book (three of which i'm working on currently). i don't think i'll change the comic book world or anything, but by god i'll make some people know my name at least.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
and once again, i've gone to lengths to make sure this is private again... or at least not posted all over my fb and tumblr.
so how do i let you know that i'm writing to you. i don't, i guess. i'm just troubled. can't sleep for the first time in a long time, and ignoring everything and running away isn't working anymore. you're too real in my dreams and it's killing me.
i tried to be the me i was when everything was simple and nothing ever hurt and that's not what it used to be. i hate being an adult and i hate the idea of love. it's this sick, twisted thing that's uncontrollable and consuming. i get knots in my stomach just thinking about it. i hate that i'm in love. i want to not exist so badly, everything's just moving backwards and forwards in a unflattering light. where will i be in a year? if the spiral goes down any further then i don't want to know.
without the things i was used to, with everything being abruptly snatched away, i was in shock and an opportunity presented itself. now did i chase because i was hungry, or out of necessity? i'll tell you why i did it. i did it so i wouldn't kill myself. it's just that plain.
you once asked me, why not for you. would you like to know my answer? b/c i didn't know what i had, not fully. how could i? i'm just a stupid boy at heart and i take everything for granted. i just wish there was someone that could make it all better, like sweet doughnuts mending my fresh wounds... and make not mistake, they are still very very fresh. the distraction's wearing off and now reality is setting in.
i feel sick again.
so how do i let you know that i'm writing to you. i don't, i guess. i'm just troubled. can't sleep for the first time in a long time, and ignoring everything and running away isn't working anymore. you're too real in my dreams and it's killing me.
i tried to be the me i was when everything was simple and nothing ever hurt and that's not what it used to be. i hate being an adult and i hate the idea of love. it's this sick, twisted thing that's uncontrollable and consuming. i get knots in my stomach just thinking about it. i hate that i'm in love. i want to not exist so badly, everything's just moving backwards and forwards in a unflattering light. where will i be in a year? if the spiral goes down any further then i don't want to know.
without the things i was used to, with everything being abruptly snatched away, i was in shock and an opportunity presented itself. now did i chase because i was hungry, or out of necessity? i'll tell you why i did it. i did it so i wouldn't kill myself. it's just that plain.
you once asked me, why not for you. would you like to know my answer? b/c i didn't know what i had, not fully. how could i? i'm just a stupid boy at heart and i take everything for granted. i just wish there was someone that could make it all better, like sweet doughnuts mending my fresh wounds... and make not mistake, they are still very very fresh. the distraction's wearing off and now reality is setting in.
i feel sick again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)