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i like you like i like heroin

true story and a movie quote

sometimes, Goliath kicks the shit out of David, but they never tell you that story.

eff you sea kay

where's the real adventure in life? i somehow feel that i'm not really alive unless i'm drunk and around people that i don't know that well. or scared shitless in downtown lexington in a sea of black people that all seem really careless because they're walking in front of cars when the cars are supposed to be going. not to mention banging on my fucking car, which was random and scared the piss out of me. really.
well let's see, i'll chalk up life as boring again, especially after watching both spider-man movies and really just hoping to whatever god grants wishing that i could have the privilege of dealing with a life that complicated. stress, yes, but with a burden like that, methinks i could have enough time doing shit to not worry about petty things like i always do now.
i want excitment, real fucked up shit. life and death. no worrying about girls or what i'm doing tomorrow. but instead turning my immediate attention to other things more demanding.
god dammit!

i wrote a bit in a week's time, more than before, well poetry anyway, so don't hate me for this

*before you read these, i'm inclined to say, they're not about what you think they're about, i've been writing a lot of short stories, and bigger ones, and they're a smaller reflection of those, character schemes if you will, anywho, enjoy if you like this sorta shit.

Scored My Life in A Card Game

Staring down at the bottom of another bottle

Asking once again to just fall on in

They jump around and talk about sophisticated things

As the smoke comes out of their lungs

And glass shatters against my balcony

While I'm gone

You're there

And I only know you now

By a name and number

Flashing on a glowing screen

While I'm gone, you're there

And I hope you're breathing

I really hope you're leaving here

Found myself crying in my sleep last night

No matter how much I try to convince myself

Happiness isn't likely for me any time close to now

The rain is beating against the window

Begging me to keep it company again

And I'll be gone

While you're here

I only know your number

And took away your name

It hurts less this way

While I'm gone, you're around

Playing with your hair

Not thinking of anyone but yourself

And I need that, beginning to notice I may never be there again

It's a purging process thats more painful than the last

Impossible to forget, but I'm trying so hard not to get back in

As the smoke fills my lungs, killing me slowly but taking the edge away

Things look up, for the moment, like always and I'm comfortably numb

Touching my face

Staring into my hands

Like I'm going crazy

While you're gone

And I'm here

Mutiny on the HMS Me

Former delights in the hinds of my eyes

Are now knotting my stomach in unpleasant ways

Remembering how your eyes shine, just like mine

Is an unfortunate frolic into my tangled mind?

The surprise I used to long for

Will ruin me now, beyond a doubt

And I'm seeing this way too much

Staring into the palms of my hands

Like some madman losing grip

Would we call this irony?

When foreshadowing littered the lines

And saturated every detail of action

But I guess its better this way

Just dramatic enough for my tastes

My finger hovering the buttons

And still at the edge of a murky sea

Drenched with melancholy

Soaked in nostalgic revelry

Put your head on my chest, melt with me

I'll make you cry all night, to suffer for what you've done to me

Then well call it even when dawn breaks

And continue to go our own separate ways

The clever caring surprises I longed for

Enveloped in bitter irony, are the ruin of me

These Question Marks Light the Way to Rome

I've consumed time, into the mornings

Trying to find ways to rid you from my bones

Finding tears in my eyes as some perverse reaction

To committing sins I know all too well

Digging my nails into my chest

Scratching my arms, youre under my skin

I've wanted to burn you out, smoke you out

But these cigarettes are starting something else

I try and drown you out

But you still plunge your fingers

Locking them tightly around my throat

When will you see fit to let me go?

I've grown accustomed to sweaty sheets

Full of wants, unfulfilled desires

Escaping through my gracious pores

As my dreams fail horribly to bring me rest

I've wasted away into the hours of the night

Trying to devise a way to rid you from my bones

Reaching depths of sadness I could never explain

And crying after familiar sins, of which I cannot atone

Broken Mega Smasher

Ain't it supposed to be some relief?

When I lay this fist down on me

Does it provoke your sympathy?

Or am I still a pathetic breed?

And if you really want the truth

I hope things come down on you

Next time maybe he'll leave a bruise

And pride cant reconcile whats new

Maybe I'm some sort of bastard for giving in to tempting hate

Buying in to the easy way of getting rid of you

Pushing decline, closing my eyes and turning the other way

Baby I feel like an outlaw, and now I've been caught

Genuinely talented and still I'm crying wolf

Everyones turning around to look at me, but I'm pointing at you

Red hands behind your back, but the suspicion was already there

The word "liar" on their lips, now floating through the air

Now why am I here, what am I supposed to do?

Do you really expect me to sit here and listen, then forgive you?

I told you before that I never wanted to be friends

But now when I'm asking questions it means were beyond the end

Things arent back on again, and we're not awesome at being friends

Deluded in your eyes are the things that are wrong and right

And am I catching a hint of sarcastic sparkle, or just a reflection

Happiness isn't likely when youre standing on a furnace that's burned before

i'm always gonna screw things up

...i don't love you...
...i won't love you...
...i'll just get tired and leave you...
...i'll just be a pain in the ass...
...i'll be the worst person you know...
...i count with my fingers, now, to simplify things...
...i'll never be around...
...i'll always have excuses...
...i'll never trust you...
...i'll never give you anything worthy...
...i won't hold your hand...
...i'll just use you for comfort...
...i'll just leave an impression with my words...
...i'm an asshole...
...i'm a quitter...
...i'm easy to predict...
...i'm even easier to see through...
...you'll never get to me, except when it's my advantage...
...i'll never take you away...
...i'll never take you anywhere you want to be...
...i'll give you false hope...
...i'll never lie, but i won't be far off...
...i'm lazy...
...i'm a procrastinator...
...i've lost hope...
...i'll never let you be anything to me...
...i always fuck things up...

red stripe may be my good friend by now

i hate that i still think about things in general and completely narrowed and elite about it all...fuck a whole bunch of this shite. i hate it.

jamacian imports vs. sanity

for the first time in a long time, i got really drunk and said a few things that i prolly should've just kep to myself. i'm not saying i didn't mean what i said, i'm just throwing the fact out there, that i prolly should have just let those things be unknown.
on other notes, i got really really drunk last night and enjoyed myself, not being a sad drunk, well not until right before i fell asleep. and there were people and no one saw my package, it's an all thumbs up night.
and being alone isn't as bad as i had always feared it would be. there's some stumbling at first, but eventually all the things you enjoyed about the company of the opposite gender, begin to fade and become matterless, which i'm sure, in turn, will be completely that much more enjoyable when it comes around again. and if not, i'll just forget it ever existed.
and such is life.