ffftang!

yeah, so the bitterness has subsided somewhat, and the discontent...well, it's had nowhere to go b/c people like to back it into a corner, with ridicule. don't worry, naysayers, it's a backlash of a bitch....or bitch of a backlash, that's right.
we're almost like wolves, aren't we, just me and you. since it's so cold outside, we really have no choice but to use the blankets as shields, entwined as we get just getting warmer, but still so relentlessly comfortable...well, until my arm falls asleep.
...oh yeah, i got engaged, kind've, i mean i threw a fire package from taco bell at her forehead, and on it was preprinted "will you marry me?" i mean she said no, but that doesn't make her any less amazing or cuddly or jawsome. but then again, she could've just been saying no to the hot sauce packet. too bad either way. guess she's just gonna have to find another suga daddy b/c i don't ask twice, ha ha. how do you like that.
someone come rub my back, it hurts.

let me do this in peace

i keep getting more and more bitter, just b/c of one thing. does that make me a little weird? i dunno, october isn't as awesome as it should've been. i'm tired of richmond and the people, and the summer of discontent has become the fall, and prolly the winter to follow with very little improvement. maybe something'll happen soon, and i'll be able to smile more.

rants galore.

so, what do you wanna know? really? well, too bad, i'll just refuse to fold, and instead show you my hand like i've done seldom before.
the weekend didn't quite turned out as i planned, with probably only myself to blame and those being a few miscommunications. maybe i just take too much for granted, or i'm just dumb. either way, it was a little more of a disappointment than i had hoped. however, i did lick my wounds with wasting money, like i always tend to do, and it was nice to be nostalgic in an old familiar place, and out of richmond, which now holds way more unpleasantries than any single city/town i've ever known.
the whole of what i think about now is so pointless. it's like day dreaming about sunny days when it's rainy outside, and i really like the rain. does that make sense? well, if it does i think you're closer to my insides than you know, or would want to be. it's just so...god damn stupid of me, like always, is it that i'm trying too hard without such confidence as could carry me through this, i don't know. i'm just being myself and not trying anything else, and if that doesn't work for either, than there's nothing i can do, but i'm not putting out a lie from the get-go and i'm holding a lot back but only b/c i'm a wreck. if i were to open that flood gate, everyone would drown, and we don't want a massacre like that.
and i've never understood one thing. why when it's always hurt so bad to let people in, can't i just resist another one, why does it have to be so painful for things to be interesting? i'm good at arms length as time goes on, but it's an open hug from the start, like i put the blinders on at first, but they start to irritate me, so i take them off. why can't i just simply not care? why can't i be a solid block of ice, completely and utterly hopeless, stone, something that isn't soft and squishy on the inside, begging to be poked and alienated. and the sad thing is, i alienate myself, b/c when i think i'm the same as someone else, then i'm just...wearing a uniform. i can't relate to people completely and find someone like me, b/c i won't let them be, ever.
and why am i writing all this in a blog for everyone to see? i guess i'm just hoping someone'll have some answers, and maybe other i won't have to explain why things are so difficult for me. plus it's just easier to type on the computer and take seemingly almost empty comfort from people i do/used to know all too well.

quite angry.

i'd really like to punch you in the face.
...love is watching someone else die, but that's irrelevant. i still wanna massacre you with a mother fucking clenched fist, fucker.

Jackie Gregory.

SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : now your mom
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : she's american
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : BAH!
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : NO SHES...oh yeah she is
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : Jackie Gregory (or whatever her last name is) - American Heroine
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : ha ha
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : what now
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : lol
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : then when they make a compilation of all the people that she saved
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : i could be on there and make the whole pushing a car up a hill story so much more dramatic
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : hahahaha
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : it'll be awesome
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : totally
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : then we can rip off the g.i. joe theme song
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : ja-ckie, the real american hero
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : ja-ckie is there
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : fighting cobra
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : and however else it goes
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : my mom once killed a puma, and wrapped baby me in it for warmthSoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : jackie gregory once slayed a dragon just to feed her unborn children, with only a wooden stick of solitude (with plus 4 agility)
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : lolDanse Macabre17 --> --> : it was a close fightDanse Macabre17 --> --> : but thenDanse Macabre17 --> --> : She landed a vicious Critical Hit, which launched her into a flurry attack, which in turn WindFury Proc'edSoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : and then, gave birth to three carniverous pandas
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : which ravaged the body of a but severly wounded red dragon (epic level still unknown)
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : the only known human to solo such a fierce and vicious creature
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : hahahahhahahaSoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : oh course, this is before she tamed to one and only billy connolly
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : beating him in an arm wrestling match
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : hahahahah then made him her slave in her kingdom of miraclesSoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : after his sentence was served, he moved far away to the other uncharted regions
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : which jackie gregory had yet to conquer
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : man
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : how do you know the history of my momSoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : i'm psychic
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : that's why i always get headaches at your house
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : lol
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : it's like an epic fantasy novel
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : oh, but when your grandma is there
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : hahahaha
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : it's like a godsend of static to block your mom's vast mind
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : kik
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : lol
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : we need to write the ballad of jackie gregorySoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : oh, you better believe i'm saving this im
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : hahahhaa
SoMNaMBuLiST KiN --> --> : yep, thinking i'm gonna go get something to eat
Danse Macabre17 --> --> : sweet ass

mayday mayday s.o.s.

...i have a sinking feeling inside, b/c i finished the half-blood prince, and now i'm sad and i can't kill myself b/c i wanna read the 7th book. woe is me. guess i'll just have to resume life and if i never started.

two halves make the whole

and it seems the longer i live, the more i understand about what kind of person i am. and most everthing's the same, except something and they're both different. right now, they're at a gruesome stalemate, who's gonna be comin' out alive and unscathed.