btw, it’s exactly what it seems.

i'm sorry that i post these things i write. but you don't have to read them. (just for future reference...and past)

"Not a Perfect Scientist"

We break our part, and fall the same

Eyes to the ground, feet dragging

What'd you expect me to say?

Something witty and unbecoming of me?

Well, my pain and suffering's used up

I've got nothing else to show you

All my guns are rusted, blades broken

But you can have my venom

It's the best I can offer you

Flashes of lights and white dots

Dizzy like I hit my head

But it was us instead

Fluttering and shuttering like butterflies

I won't be your friend, I just want to be your lover

I don't care about the hours to come without you

Highlights streak passed the blurs

I skipped a beat a moment ago

Now I'm rushing through air

Burning it up like compliments on you

Forget about the minutes to come

We could never move mountains

We could never change stars

Fall, fall, contagious from the table

Spreading fair for what's there

And I'll sing it like it was yesterday

Before the curtain call comes this way

Funny how it all just disappears

When we fall away

We just fought anyway

But your love speaks volumes

Just not about me

And I can hear the cement calling

Like a jigsaw falling into place

another friendly reminder

everything is overrated. love, happiness, hatred, sadness, music, movies. every fucking thing.
life is just a trivial thing that we get caught up in from time to time, in between life and death and knowing all the secrets when we're released from this burden of a shell we call the living. the fog is so thick, the smell is so putrid, the taste is so bitter.
but treck on, b/c no one understands it the way you do. make them understand b/c if you go before they do. you're the coward. you're the asshole. you're the person who abandoned them. not the other way around.
it's all relative, meaningless bullshit. do what you want, accept whatever consequences are shoved upon you, b/c that's the way things work, and at least make it a point to not be one of those fucking robots.

this explains a few things

Missed the last train home
birds pass by to tell me
that im not alone
well im pushing myself
to finish this part
i can handle a lot
but one thing i'm missing is in your eyes

have you seen this film
it reminds me of walking down the avenue
well im washing my hands of attachments,
yeah i will land on the ground
but one thing I'm missing is in your eyes

it's by Rogue Wave, and it's called "Eyes"
you should give it a sit down. it's quick and painless, and you may even enjoy it a little.

i don’t sleep well, apparently.

i hate it when familiar dreams are invaded by unpleasant people that are trying to be pleasant and loving. when really they're just a twat.
i know what it really means, and i know what i want it to mean. it's still no good.

do they really dream?

the comforts of life seem uneasy, and the time comes when i'm suffocating so loudly. the thrashing never stops, the dream always dies.
so what's left?
an ambiguous thought that screams and cries and peels back the layers of what's really happening. see it for what it is, but don't understand it.
so what's happening?
it's happening, over and over and over and over again. a reeling brain, waiting ever so impatiently for the fish hook to sink in and take it away. take the bait. set the bait. refresh the excess.
so what's else is there?
there is nothing else, in the re-run sitcom that hits the air every day. it's watched, it's critiqued. it's really not that something else we're dying for. regurgitated, reanimated, and chopped into pieces to be packaged and sold.
don't disregard me.
fuck you.
the twat. the cunt. the bitch.
i'm the liar. i only lie to myself.
but i guess i'm just happier that way.
a calloused shell of what is human. and suffers from the human condition.
nothing's ever okay.
but it's always fine.

yes, i wrote something. fuck you.

"Waking Up Is Still Honest"
Madeline held her hand under the water
Broken after three years alone
"Where are you now, James?"
Her reflection empty, her words hollow
On the night stand his glasses still sit
With a newspaper for the day he comes back
Her wrinkled hands still traces the shoulders of his shirts
She'd go, but she'd die if she didn't stay here
And she wouldn't be alive anywhere else
Oh, Madeline, he ain't coming home tonight
It's been five long years, now, and counting twelve more days
When he was leaving, James had one foot in the grave
And a pain in his chest
Madeline, when will you be alright?
He didn't pack his bags, he didn't write a word down
"Old men don't need those things when they go to die."
So James closed the door and walked out into the street
Madeline lost to their bed, still asleep
And he sighs, "Madeline, I ain't coming home tonight."
She pours herself some tea
Waiting for her last chance to be happy
The days wander off, and the clouds wander in
She knows she'll always love him
But how long can she survive on love alone?
And the day that she died, she still felt the pain
The last words to grace her lips:
"James, my darling, are you coming home tonight?"

sweet sweet karma

amazing people say amazing things.

&i was around some amazing people last night.
&they made it like it used to be.
hi-fives all around.