the swagger with a step, and i keep hummin' to the beat

it's just not happenin' here, nothing's going on...day after blood sucking day
my cigarettes are starting to make my health decline...well, them among other things...and i'm not quitting
it's so damn hot here, i'm gonna murder and skin babies until they fix the AC unit, and there's only so many babies
oh yeah, a big fuck you from me to you, it case you didn't see my flag flyin' high on the turn pike...no body will ever understand, even if they think they do
you say you did it for me, but i don't understand...a lot actually...but the rant isn't for now...it's for when i'm drunk and left alone long enough to blog

it's a birthday party, it's your birthday party, happy birthday darling

so as some of you know, friday comes my 21st and we're also using the apartment warming as an excuse to execute at the same time, pretty much anyone's invited, if i know them or they know someone i invited, unless i don't like them. anyway, most anyone is welcome, so if you wanna come, leave me a message, or if you're gonna come, leave one too. and if you need directions message me, and i'll give you the address to mapquest it or something, anyway...you've got like 4 days to let me know, or i'll kill you.

post mordem report

it's 4AM and i hear this buzzing
along with a cat outside my apartment screaming and hissing like it's only got a few good curses left inside it
i'm pretty scared right now
i'm not drunk, not stoned, not anything - i haven't had a cigarette all night, but maybe i'm lightheaded for other reasons, lost too much today
my eyes are blood-shot, and i've been organizing again
i want to paint you a picture, so show you i'm not alive anymore
i can't feel my eyes
i'm tired by i can't sleep
i don't wanna write anymore, it doesn't matter anyway because what i did write was always bullshit, never anything good, nothing with promise, why did i even write in the first place
try to be happy? i'm trying so hard just to be alive...so hard just to breathe without screaming, without shaking myself into a daze
i'm perfectly fine, fine as wine

this just in

time of death: 12:48PM May 28, 2006

i'm back for round three

i need some people here to give me love, i feel so alone. well, i have room mates that are awesome, but i feel like more people should be here, and not so many sausages if you catch my drifts, i like diversity. i should drink more, maybe not, maybe so. i need a good girl that understands me. and i think i'm handsome, what's wrong with me, maybe a bit needy. but that's love, i want to fall in love, i mean i am in love with someone, but if that doesn't work, which don't get me wrong, i do want it to work so bad, but i want love returned completely unquestionable and unconfused. i'm drunk and i'm prolly good enough to be off here, i'm ranting and not making a lick of sense, especially since i just said lick of sense. well i didn't say lick, i typed lick really. goodbye interweb people, hopefully for tonight.

we drank the night away

well last night, in the midst of massive blogging, i got a hold of my camera while in a drunken stupor and, well, took pictures, i will provide no captions, just enjoy the eye candy you bastards and bastettes.

mmm, two mother fucking things to read, from me to you

"You Called Yesterday and I Don't Know What to Think"

Waking up to cell phone rings was something I wasn't good at

Now I'm disappointed when I don't have a missed call by morning

Can someone tell me what's right or wrong, not that I'd listen

I'm sitting underground at the hardware store

Preparing this as a bomb shelter

Sinking my feet in the ground for bombardment

Just barely keeping things together from the last drop

This place is shaking, pieces falling through

With each bomb dropped to me from you

And every night when I fall asleep

I need something to calm my head

I'm out of food, barely holding on

And I find it a bit harder to sleep

They're always coming up behind me

And stabbing me in the stomach

Or is that really just me?

"Stealing Me to Sleep"

Dancing by myself in a crowded room

Full of lookers, full of thieves, full of yourself

And the sweetest noxious fumes devour me

As your eyes glide over my stone face

I'm a rock now, hard to move, but you can still break me

I'm the threat, or so you said

Letting you decide which move to make

And your hand

Your hips

Your lips

All against me, begging to pull me back

Your words

Your verbs

Stronger, now ringing in my ears

Scraping across the surface of my skin

It all tastes just like candy

And feels like cold steel going through me

I pause, I reconsider, 'I want you' back to you

I say only things I mean

And inhale to collect this calamity and calm

You did always have a way with words

And a well played strategy to get me hooked

I'm bleeding every morning when I don't wake up to you

In one way

Or the other

I've gotten used to an empty bed

Empty voice mailbox

Empty heart

Gotten used to these shakes

And the yearn to slip into a deep sleep