now there's nothing left to do, but die.

she's got that kind of sigourney weaver beautiful, back when she was an amazonian fox.
dancer's legs and a disarming smile.
all tied together by the dreams of a james cameron. gotta love Aliens. but if it wasn't for ridley scott and dan o'bannon being the geniuses they were. it never would've happened.

90 days of sweat and dirt feels like one moment when you've got nothing left.

we used to be real, right? not just fictitious dancers gliding alone in the dark?
maybe you were sent back from the future to save me.
i'm pretty sure i'm in love with you.

liberating...ain’t it?

it's got that sound that really likes to put you to sleep. but i don't think there's gonna be much sleep around here, it's too dull to fall and has too much energy to do much. but that's the way it is, i guess. unexplainable and palpable, if that makes sense.
so i avoid it all as much as i can, while indulging in it as often as i like.
(now, figure that out if you can)

eyes the size of...eyes

there's that feeling again. like suffocation. like nothing's happening. it seems like life's become drifting from one good memory to the next, looking back, thinking about then, trying to avoid now.

the shoving off and shrugging off just let it pile up like caked walls, coated in things you wished you'd never touched. the cement and plaster slopped on to hold it all together isn't enough, and now the walls are folding in on themselves at the top, cutting out the air, blacking out the clouds.
such is life.

i used to dream until i stopped writing fiction

ever get that feeling somedays when you feel like it's just better not to wake up?
i get that feeling ever day now. like maybe if i sleep enough all the bad things will go away. all that shit that seems to just pile up no matter how hard to try to clear it up.
where the fuck are time machines when you need them? instead there's just crazy people talking about how they exist, we just don't have the means to receive their messages,etc. fine you don't believe? you're already on the interwebs...look it up.

startling developments in the latter parts of super developed brains

so yeah, she said i'm not gonna be a dad anymore. i think the quote was "I took care of our problem a couple of months ago..." problem? the only real problem was her, and something had to die because of that.
i don't know how i'm supposed to feel. a weight is gone, yes, but i'd be lying to say i was happier for it or relieved. it's just that after she fucked me over hardcore, that's really the only positive thing that could've come from it. i guess. maybe i'm just too much of a dumbass to really understand the implications of her carrying through. it's just that i knew, it was a girl, i called it from day one, and that's what it was. then, a few weeks or days later, it's gone. just like that.

i really don't know how i'm supposed to feel, but what i'm feeling is definitely not good.

more and more of my pipe dreams

each and every rainbow has unattainable goals. why can't we be the people we once used to be?