Wednesday, February 20, 2008

my stomach hurts, sort’ve.

well, it's all been a rush job, and more fast paced than usual. or maybe that's just me, and fast paced isn't the word i'm looking for exactly, absorbed could be a better one.
either something big is going to change, or not much at all. that's the either or. not a whole lot of in between on it, no kind've no mild. and i feel like i've been asleep so long, there's all the energy, now all that's left is to go back to dreaming. i don't wanna dream anymore, they're lackluster and pure fantasy, nothing of fullfillment, nothing i can touch.
i'll know for definite soon. still it's the waiting i hate, as patient as i have to be on a daily basis, and as cool as i stay, you'd think i had it together. mostly. it's all just a rouse (sp?) and, well, i'm getting less and less clever with it.
i don't want an around while she's around. i want something real. tangible. but i lived before and i'll live through anything i guess. i just feel more pessimistic than even i usually am. reality can be a bitch when you have time to think and question and doubt. it's a pretty wicked virus most of the time.

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