How often can you look at a situation and know when to walk away? Me, personally, I don't know if I can tell when, I'm happy being unhappy and happy wanting other things, so to me, being in a bad way is just another space in time that I'm justified in complaining about something. I feel like I'm too tired and old to care now, even about my own problems, much less putting my nose into someone's business like I can be apt to do, though I figured I'd mostly killed off that annoying buzz in my head that thinks my opinions are entitled and to be distributed graciously.

Then again, I know I feel crazier than I seem. For every dumb thing that actually gets out of my mouth, there's a million more revolving around my brain with a lot more venom with the thoughts. I'm an asshole. I know I am and I'm fine with playing that part, but I'm not okay with feeling vulnerable. I guess that's when I start to lose my grip on what it is that I want to be like, and though I don't really care how most people think of me, I care about what I think of myself.

The point that I'm trying to make, I guess, is I look around me and see a lot of pointless relationships with beings I barely know that are starting to drag their nails across my skin in unpleasant ways. And try as I might to be disconnected and not care, I do. I try not to put myself first and pretend that it's the happiness elsewhere that gets me warm and fuzzy. Most cases, that's not true. I'm a selfish person, and maybe I just want to be happy, too. But there's a whole spill of words and thoughts I could go into about just avoiding things like that and being the better off in the big picture, though something in my gut pulls me back in, every fucking time.

Anyway, I need to reduce the people and things I care about, even though I found it to be a small number in the first place, turns out that number isn't small enough. And this pine coffin isn't as waterproof as I thought.

All this stress is making me fat.