i don't have anything figured out, ever. i just put my worst fears out there, and get 'em back in return.

it's like every time i get airy and floaty, thinking i'm gonna be happy, that kite string pops and puts me back in my place.

i'm just an ignorant kid who's more clueless that he thought.
expect the worst, and nothing bad will really ever happen to you...at least i used to kind've believe in that. now it's just expect the worst, and you won't be surprised when it happens, kid, but it'll still hurt like hell. it'll always hurt like hell.

in short, i'm trying to protect what little of me, truly me, is left. and i'm finding it really god damn hard to not drown here. i want to swim in you and know everything, but i always get the feeling like i'm cursed, like i'm dipping my fingers in for a reason, b/c i can't feel the cement around me until i fall in. and i'm not trying to say that you're this awful person, but you can't say that i haven't been set up from day one to not be on my guard. 'you seem like a good person, and i don't want to hurt you.' them's the words burdening my fears, and my fears have got long fingers deep in my skull and in my chest. and they're looking for a reason to twist. and kill that old pipe smokin', bathrobe wearin' bastard in me. but he's lived this long, just give me a reason to believe in him...

i need to stop being so pessimistic. it'll ruin things.